IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
It is argued that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education provides more advantages for
students
 than
society
 so they should pay for their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
This
 writer believes
universities
 help
students
 easier to get a
job
 and can receive help from colleges,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
show examples
 rather than
society
. It is vital to understand that studying in
universities
 will provide many benefits for
students
such
 as
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them to get a
job
 easier.
Due to
 the fact that nowadays there are too many excellent
people
, if you want to get a
job
 or even a good
job
 when you finish university you need to
past
Replace the word
pass
show examples
 all exams in your school and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end you will receive
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 qualification that
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 deserve.
As a consequence
, spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
full
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
 course to study will help
students
 have
a good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 than
the one that
Correct your spelling
those who
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have any and say that they have more experience in life,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
society
. Another key component of the case for studying in
universities
 is receiving
several helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 from both friends and teachers and
also gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 experience from
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 go before them. It should be self-evident that learning from
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 from teachers is easier and
easy
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
 to approach than
people
 outside the
society
. In
this
 situation, individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 study in
universities
 will have a better chance to gain experience and go to work with no difficulties than
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 must find help and support outside the
society
 to survive over days and days.
Therefore
, studying in
universities
 is potential nowadays
due to
 the development of
society
 and thieves or forgers.
Thus
, it can be seen that the qualification to find jobs
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 and receive support from
people
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
before are needed for
students
 when they come to life to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 for living.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that going to
universities
 is necessary in education institutes.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider using clearer transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively and linking back to the overall argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with more specific examples and detailed explanations to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Focus on reducing small grammatical and lexical inaccuracies to improve overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's position on the topic, setting up the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, helping to structure the essay logically.
task achievement
The essay consistently maintains its central argument that university education benefits students more than society, supporting the task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: