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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
These days, the importance of studying has never faded as it is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 shortest way to success. Some people believe that learners should pay the school
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own as the benefits of
university
 bring to our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. From my point of view, I partly
age
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 with
this
 statement and will give
a clear evidence
Remove the article
clear evidence
a piece of clear evidence
a shred of clear evidence
show examples
 in the following essay.
To begin
 with, the main advantage of the trend towards paying full
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 is that giving students opportunities to pursue higher studies is beneficial for the procedure of gaining knowledge.
Initially
, paying full cost to the
university
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to the facilities and
education
 can completely be developed, leading to a high-quality
education
 system with equal opportunities for all young people.
Therefore
, learners can understand the value of
money
 a pay more attention
on study
Change preposition
to studying
show examples
, with productivity and efficiency being advanced.
For instance
, individuals who pay
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 full cost of
education
 can able to receive
university
 carefulness
such
 as
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is true that when higher
education
 comes with a cost, it creates an inefficient allocation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. As a student, many people tend to find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to balance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
saving
money
 between
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and society. If they use
money
 for studying straightly, they will get into trouble, dealing with the shortage of financial burden.
As a result
, investing
money
on
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in
show examples
 many
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 of life
such
 as healthcare, recreation or
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can
also
 benefit learners in a positive way. In conclusion, despite society can
also
 bring benefit to many students, I propose that concentrating entirely on
education
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
 is more beneficial.
Submitted by [email protected] on

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Task Achievement
Consider refining your introduction to more directly address the prompt, clearly stating your position on whether students should or should not bear the full cost of their university studies.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence to clearly demonstrate why you agree or disagree with the statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve readability. Use connecting words and phrases to better link ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Revise your essay for minor grammatical errors and to enhance sentence structure for greater clarity.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides an engaging discussion on the topic, considering both sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
You have a clear conclusion that sums up your viewpoint, which is good for rounding off your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, supports its overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: