IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #individuals #society
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Whether learners ought to pay the whole fee for their studying, as people take advantage of university education
instead
 of society, is a controversial problem.
This
 writer disagrees with the view
due to
 unaffordable cost and reduction in the number of potential
students
. It needs to be understood that university fees have become higher and higher in recent years. Some
schools
 have educational costs that the poor cannot afford to pay. Because of that, many
students
 must give up learning and find a job to support their families
instead
.
Additionally
,
this
 situation means that the rich can dominate
universities
, which might lead to discrimination of poorer classes. Take Korea as an example, where bullying seems to often occur at the
universities
 for the wealth.
However
, many supporters argue that
universities
also
 need money to pay for teachers and equipment, so that
students
 paying the whole cost is a good idea. Though
this
 idea has its own logic,
schools
 and
universities
 are usually invested in and funded by businesses and companies,
in other words
, they can focus on teaching without thinking about income.
That is
 the reason why it is unnecessary for
students
 to pay
such
 a high price. It is
also
 acknowledged that high fees may lead to a decrease in potential
students
. Because of the costly price, many people decide to choose another university
that is
 suitable to their financial background.
This
 makes
schools
 lack
students
 and might end up closing.
Therefore
, the reputation and quality of
schools
 can be damaged by the high fees. In brief, it is unnecessary for
students
 to pay the whole cost.
Hence
,
schools
 should offer scholarships to support
students
 who are in financial difficulties,

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, consider using a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
While you've provided relevant examples, incorporating more detailed and specific instances can significantly strengthen your argument and task achievement score.
task achievement
Try to ensure a balanced discussion by addressing both views equally before stating your opinion, to enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with an introduction, a series of arguments, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully developed main points with supporting arguments, contributing to both coherence and cohesion, and task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points, aligning with the introduction to maintain coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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