IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Topic: Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that most data about culture and history are available online nowadays, so
museums
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 will not be required anymore. In my opinion, it would be a wrongful attitude since the experience you gain via visiting
museums
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 in person is totally different from
virtual
Correct article usage
a virtual
show examples
one
Use synonyms
. To embark on, having virtual
museums
Use synonyms
 and online information about
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 might have many advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 gives you more chances to save your
time
Use synonyms
 easily. Imagine you can go via
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 to see a museum in Paris without travelling to France at any
time
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 of the day;
therefore
Linking Words
, not only can it be less
time
Use synonyms
-consuming but
also
Linking Words
 it can help you save your budget. Topic sentence having
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important for each society. I personally believe that
although
Linking Words
 by exploring on the
internet
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 most information can be accessible, people need to spend
time
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 visiting valuable historical things in order to enjoy.
Moreover
Linking Words
; visiting
art
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galleries
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 gives you lots of opportunities to communicate with their real artists so your attitude may be influenced by them.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 three
art
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galleries
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 in Iran which are held 5 times
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year
along with
Linking Words
 their artists;
thus
Linking Words
, they can explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the story of their
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the online exhibition and
musuems
Correct your spelling
museums
 may have some drawbacks.
In other words
Linking Words
, people should be more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 trusting the
internet
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 as fake news is
being kept
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increasingly
Change the word
increasing
show examples
 annually.
For example
Linking Words
, my best friend told me
Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 fake theory about
one
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 of the well-known dynasties of Iran and I was completely shocked. After two weeks, My friend and I went to
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
 and she could not believe her eyes when she understood her mistake. In conclusion, despite the fact that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 makes
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 situation for
Add an article
a human
the human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 to be informed about
art
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galleries
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 and
museums
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 in
shortest
Add an article
the shortest
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time
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 click, I certainly believe that it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good to visit places in the real world because it is more trustworthy.

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task achievement
Expand on examples by providing more depth and detail to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor typos or inaccuracies that can distract from the message.
task achievement
While comparing the advantages and disadvantages, ensure to maintain a balanced view throughout the essay to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and impact, consider revisiting some sentences for grammatical accuracy and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction effectively sets up the essay's stance and prompts interest.
task achievement
Use of personal anecdote adds a relatable and persuasive aspect to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully reiterates the main points and stance of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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