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Writing Samples
Band 8

Student should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s ever-progressing era, a common belief is that students should allocate funds to courses for their own benefit in study progress because tertiary education profits individuals rather than the public. It is the author's opinion that paying the full cost to support studying might be risky
due to
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 financial background and to validate that academy scholarship brings lucrative points to both undergraduates and society. To commence with, it must be acknowledged that the financial foundation is limited in each student’s circumstance, of which the course’s expense is likely unaffordable.
In other words
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, many colleagues are not capable of managing their finances
due to
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 many factors, leading to inadequate expenditure for course studying.
As a result
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, the deficit in affording tuition for class programs might be a loss in seeking opportunities to pursue academic degrees and success, which is likely that their future will be threatened.
For example
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, the private university RMIT is known for its spectacular quality in teaching and assuring admission for gaining employment, yet its abundant fee to enter courses has been a major obstacle for those whose ambition is to reserve
this
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 school to study. Another point worth mentioning is that university education benefits both students and the public as a whole. Specifically, if compeers have their admissions in
such
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 tertiary literacy, they will bring lucrative benefits to both themselves and society, rather than paying solely for self-education.
Consequently
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, the masses would legally gain profits from the commitment of the students regardless of whether they are paying solely for themselves or via the government.
This
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 is true in many aspects of society nowadays, juniors after graduating still generate profit for either themselves or the public despite the majority participating in self-studying courses for enhancement purposes.
To conclude
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, it is not necessary for colleagues to fully allocate their expenses for their own consideration
due to
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 the potential of financial background deficit. Yet is it invalid that the educational institution education only values individuals rather than the public;
however
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, the fact that every dedication to inquiry is worth the grind.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay remains focused on directly answering the question posed. Consider revising parts that may veer away slightly from the central argument to enhance clarity and task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider improving paragraph transitions to create a smoother flow of ideas. Linking phrases can help bridge paragraphs and main points more seamlessly, contributing to higher coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporating a variety of sentence structures can enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing. Consider mixing short, impactful sentences with longer, more complex ones.
Positive
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.
Positive
You have demonstrated a good ability to support your main points with explanations, though further examples could provide even stronger backing.
Positive
The essay demonstrates a well-structured argument, guiding the reader through your standpoint in a logical manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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