IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that development of computer has changed the human lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #development #computer #lives
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Nowadays, people are divided over whether the development of
computers
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 has impacted people's way of living. Older
generations
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 may think that they have not been affected by these new technologies
whereas
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 younger
generations
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 may believe they could not live without them. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view, and explain why I strongly agree with the latter. Our grandparents may believe that
computers
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 have not made
such
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 a big impact on the way they live. They may own a smartphone, but they do not understand how to use it, or they are not interested in using any of the available applications, as they do not see the benefit of them.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that
this
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 is the wrong perception of reality, as more and more daily activities are moving or have already been moved online,
such
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 as banking, booking holidays or taking out insurance.
On the other hand
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, younger
generations
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 rely on
computers
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 for almost all their daily activities.
For instance
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, we need our
computers
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 to work or study and we rely on our phones to store our contact details,
whereas
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 previous
generations
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 would have memorised or had them written in a book.
Additionally
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, technology is now used for shopping, entertainment and social interactions.
Moreover
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, young people have new hobbies linked to the use of
computers
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 and the Internet. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals still believe that
computers
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 haven't changed the way they live, in my opinion,
computers
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 are now indispensable and part of us. Another question will be whether or not
this
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 is positive for humankind.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear and well-structured argument, effectively discussing both viewpoints before stating your own. To further enhance your essay, consider integrating more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. This approach could add depth and persuasiveness to your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done an excellent job in organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each serving a distinct purpose. To improve even further, consider making smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Linking phrases could help in guiding the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Task Achievement
You effectively presented a balanced view before stating your own perspective, a key requirement for a high score in Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were well-crafted, clearly establishing the topic and your stance, which is commendable.
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