IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people asser that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #asser #college #students #jobs
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Some people
belive
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believe
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 that having part-
time
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 jobs is beneficial for college
students
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 to
earn
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learn
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 various life lessons. I support
this
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 idea because it gives
students
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 helpful
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 for living.
Firstly
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, working is helpful for
students
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 to learn the way of
time
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 management. It’s because
time
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 is more limited for
students
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 who have part-
time
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 jobs than
students
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 who don’t
work
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 at all. For
exemple
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example
,
students
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 have to
work
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, go to school, do their
home
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homework
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work
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 and even prepare for some tests. It would be tough and taxing, but they
leran
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learn
 how to use their
time
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 properly by setting
schedule
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a schedule
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 day by day.
Therefore
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, they can live and use their
time
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 in more efficient ways with priority of a day.
Moreover
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,
students
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is
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are
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 able to take
a
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apply
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responsibility for consuming because they earn their own
money
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 for tuition fees and spending
money
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.
For instance
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, they can totally realize the value of
money
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 and how hard making
money
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 by working and earning
money
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 is.
Therefore
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, they can make a budget to spend their
money
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 properly and make a good
consum
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consumer
habit
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habits
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, which is highly likely to continue to
adulthoods
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adulthood
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. In
this
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 regard, it is important for college
students
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 to
work
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.
To sum up
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, it is evident that working is hard physically for
students
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.
However
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, it is undeniable that the advantages far outweigh any disadvantages because they can
leran
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learn
time
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managing
Replace the word
management
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 and have
a
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apply
show examples
good
consumtion
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consumption
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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. For these reasons, having part-
time
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 jobs
are
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is
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 efficient and is a good decision for college
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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style
Consider adding more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. Varying sentence length and structure can make your arguments more compelling and engaging.
accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and minor grammatical errors, such as 'belive' (believe), 'advices' (advice is uncountable), 'exemple' (example), 'leran' (learn), 'students is' (students are), and 'consum habit' (consumer habits). Although these do not significantly detract from the message, careful proofreading can enhance the professionalism and clarity of your writing.
development
For even stronger task achievement, you could further elaborate on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or citing specific studies or statistics. This would add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
content
Your essay clearly supports your viewpoint with structured arguments and relevant examples, effectively addressing the prompt.
structure
You effectively use an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which helps in maintaining a good logical flow and rounding off your argument well.
organization
The main points are well-supported and clearly tied back to the central argument, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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