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Band 4.5

Some people asser that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #asser #college #students #jobs
Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that having part-
time
 jobs is beneficial for college
students
 to
earn
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
 various life lessons. I support
this
 idea because it gives
students
 helpful
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 for living.
Firstly
, working is helpful for
students
 to learn the way of
time
 management. It’s because
time
 is more limited for
students
 who have part-
time
 jobs than
students
 who don’t
work
 at all. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
,
students
 have to
work
, go to school, do their
home
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
work
 and even prepare for some tests. It would be tough and taxing, but they
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
 how to use their
time
 properly by setting
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
show examples
 day by day.
Therefore
, they can live and use their
time
 in more efficient ways with priority of a day.
Moreover
,
students
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 able to take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility for consuming because they earn their own
money
 for tuition fees and spending
money
.
For instance
, they can totally realize the value of
money
 and how hard making
money
 by working and earning
money
 is.
Therefore
, they can make a budget to spend their
money
 properly and make a good
consum
Correct your spelling
consumer
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
, which is highly likely to continue to
adulthoods
Fix the agreement mistake
adulthood
show examples
. In
this
 regard, it is important for college
students
 to
work
.
To sum up
, it is evident that working is hard physically for
students
.
However
, it is undeniable that the advantages far outweigh any disadvantages because they can
leran
Correct your spelling
learn
time
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
 and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. For these reasons, having part-
time
 jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 efficient and is a good decision for college
students
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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style
Consider adding more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. Varying sentence length and structure can make your arguments more compelling and engaging.
accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and minor grammatical errors, such as 'belive' (believe), 'advices' (advice is uncountable), 'exemple' (example), 'leran' (learn), 'students is' (students are), and 'consum habit' (consumer habits). Although these do not significantly detract from the message, careful proofreading can enhance the professionalism and clarity of your writing.
development
For even stronger task achievement, you could further elaborate on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or citing specific studies or statistics. This would add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
content
Your essay clearly supports your viewpoint with structured arguments and relevant examples, effectively addressing the prompt.
structure
You effectively use an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which helps in maintaining a good logical flow and rounding off your argument well.
organization
The main points are well-supported and clearly tied back to the central argument, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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