IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experiences or knowledge

#evidence #activities #temperatures #temperature #experiences
Evidance
Correct your spelling
Evidence
 suggests that
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 activities are the main causes of global warming.
Although
 there are
spicific
Correct your spelling
specific
 root causes behind
this
 problem, effective policies can be adopted to remedy
this
 situation. There are two main reasons why people are to blame for
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 weather
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
.
Firstly
,
over population
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overpopulation
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damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 which
is
Verb problem
plays
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 key role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 temperature rising .
That is
, the more the birth rate grows, the more facilities are needed which leads to global warming. Take the number of non-standard
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
 in developing
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
such
 as
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
show examples
an
Change preposition
as an
show examples
 example; vehicles release a significant amount of carbon dioxide and harm
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
show examples
 layer which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a huge contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 climate change.
Secondly
, deforestation by
logging
Correct article usage
the logging
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 industry is responsible for
this
 issue.
That is
 to say, cutting down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trees in order to make
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 and wooden
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
 is a lucrative job for many businesses around the world and
this
 practice has been
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
show examples
 to the worst. There are,
however
, some
sloutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to help
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 carbon footprint. One step would be
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 awareness and encouraging the public to use public transportation or fumeless vehicles.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 people have been already using subways and bicycles
instead
 of their own cars because they know about the danger of their activities. Another viable alternative is to make some ground rules for companies which have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contribution
Replace the word
contributed
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making jungles
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the desert.
For example
, obligating companies to plant more and more vegetation in other places could help
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change.
To conclude
, The most important reason for global warming is human practices. In spite of all contributing factors, informing people about the impact of their behaviour may solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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Spelling/Grammar
Ensure spelling and grammar are carefully checked to avoid basic mistakes (e.g., 'Evidence' not 'Evidance', 'specific' not 'spicific').
Development of Ideas
Aim to develop your main points more thoroughly with additional details and examples. This adds depth to your arguments and engages the reader more effectively.
Vocabulary Usage
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repetition of words and phrases where possible to demonstrate linguistic range.
Tone
Work on maintaining a consistent and formal tone throughout your essay. This includes avoiding colloquial language and ensuring that your word choice is appropriate for an academic discussion.
Understanding of Task
You successfully identified and discussed two main man-made causes of temperature rising, showing an understanding of the task.
Essay Structure
You provide a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion, which aids in the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Use of Examples
The inclusion of examples, such as the reference to the situation in Iran and the suggestion about public transport, is effective in supporting your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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