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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that classroom education provides broad exposure, while others say that distance education programmes provide a much broader span of knowledge and information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#believe #classroom #education #exposure #distance #programmes #span #information
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A few people think that schooling allows a child to discover new things
while
 others are of the opinion that distance training courses are much better because they widen one's awareness regarding multiple things.
This
 essay will discuss both views and
then
 I will justify by school studies are of utmost importance. On one hand, classroom teaching not only helps a
person
 to make new friends but
also
 aids them in personality development. Two of the most important things that they learn are how to new friends and the importance of self-development. Everyone needs a companion in their life because they not only provide immense support but
also
 a soul with whom you can share secrets.
For example
,
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 kids who prefer to stay indoors might actually want to hang out out of their comfort zone if they have good company. Presentations and skits help a
person
 to get over their stage fears and
thus
, help them to evolve.
Furthermore
, there are a number of companies that host online educational courses that provide certificates of completion by attending classes by sitting at home.
This
 initiative
firstly
, allows folks to spend more time at their homes with their loved ones.
Secondly
, it has proven to be economical because there is no need to pay for gas for travelling to a different area.
For instance
, in these times even a poor
person
 can get himself or herself educated without actually attending some fancy high schools.
Nevertheless
, I think the thought of getting educated
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 schools and colleges is unbeatable.
Additionally
, physical activity will be more for a human if they make an effort to go to these educational buildings rather than staying at their places.
To conclude
, it is quite evident that one can have many companions and can work on themselves through classroom education
whereas
 a
person
 can spend more time with their families and can enjoy learning at the same time.
besides
, I opine that nothing is comparable to classroom teaching
Submitted by chelsipurohit.12 on

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Introduction clarity
Ensure that your introduction more clearly outlines the structure of your essay, stating clearly what the reader can expect.
Detailing examples
Expand on the examples you provide, ensuring they support your argument in a detailed manner. This adds depth to your essay.
Sentence variety
Consider varying your sentence structures and employing a wider range of linking words to enhance flow and readability.
Conclusion summarization
While your conclusion provides a clear stance, attempt to succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay to solidify your argument.
Task response
You have provided a clear stance and justified your viewpoint efficiently, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Essay structure
Your essay shows a structured approach, with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, which aids in achieving coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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