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Band 5.5

It is argued that the parents of children who break the rules should be punished in some ways as parents are responsible for the children's actions.

#parents #children #rules #actions
It is widely believed that society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to put
blame
Correct article usage
the blame
show examples
 on
parents
 whose children commit delinquencies
due to
 the fact that
parents
 are responsible for their deeds. Personally, I Partially agree with
this
 statement because
everyone
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 individual has responsibility for their actions. On the one hand, it is undeniable that
parents
 have an enormous impact on their offspring and being role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for them since childhood.
Moreover
, youngsters learn everything from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and try to mimic their actions and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
For instance
, it was a case in China when
juvenile
Correct article usage
a juvenile
show examples
 tortured and killed dozens of cats.
Besides
, his
parents
 taught him how to do it and encouraged him, purchasing him instruments for execution and gifting him cats.
On the other hand
, young people are influenced not only by their
parents
 but
also
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
another factors
Replace the adjective
another factor
other factors
show examples
such
 as peers, social media and social norms.
To begin
 with, teenagers' relationships
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 an effect on children
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 bullying.
For example
, as reported in
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 magazines in 2012,
teen
Correct article usage
a teen
show examples
 wanted to do a massacre with classmates who had been bullied him
throughout
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more than ten years. Another reasonable factor is content
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. Nowadays, with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 popularity of the
internet
Add a comma
internet,
show examples
 a lot of brutal content can be seen freely which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to some consequences. Those who have bad intentions
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be a trigger for hidden violent motives. Taking everything into consideration, it is unquestionable that children are significantly affected by their
parents
.
However
,
parents
 are not the sole aspect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
minor's
Correct article usage
the minor's
show examples
 rough behavior.
Submitted by dementevas256 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details to develop your argument more cohesively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to help your essay flow better from one idea to the next.
Task Response
Clarify your position throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to make your argument stronger.
Task Response
Elaborate on examples by explaining how they directly support your argument to strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Used real-world examples to support arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, contributing to a logical flow.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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