IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The money spent by governments on space programmers would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programmers #services #schools #hospitals
There is a one side
agrument
Correct your spelling
argument
 that governments all over the world are allocating huge
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
 for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
space
 technology.
However
, on the other side people
suggesting
Wrong verb form
suggest
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 that it would be
great
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a great
show examples
 help if the same funds
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
 for the upgrade of
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 and health sectors. I
patiallty
Correct your spelling
partially
 agree with both statements,
further
Add a comma
further,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will demonstrate both pros and cons in the following paragraphs. I witnessed that there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 excellent development
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
 design and technology
from
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the past 15 years in my country. The major factor
to invest
Change preposition
in investing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 is for
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and projection of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
for instance
, some
satellities
Correct your spelling
satellites
satellite
 we
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 to identify critical climate changes,
thus
, we can
identiy
Correct your spelling
identify
 the future impacts
immediatelty
Correct your spelling
immediately
further
 will take the necessary precautions to avoid major damage to the country.
In addition
, to monitor land, sea and sky
borders
Correct subject-verb agreement
border
show examples
 safety and security we
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 specialised
space craft
Correct your spelling
spacecraft
show examples
 technologies to save our
countires
Correct your spelling
country
countries
 from enemies.
Therefore
, the development of
space
 technology is essential. I identified public schools and
hospitlas
Correct your spelling
hospitals
Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on

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Task Achievement
Try to complete your ideas. Your essay started with a good argument but was not finished. Make sure you develop both sides of the argument fully and provide a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. Include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Give specific examples to support your arguments. You have a good start, but more detailed examples will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Task Achievement
Your essay introduces an important debate, showcasing your ability to engage with complex topics.
Task Achievement
You have demonstrated a good effort to provide examples and reasons for your opinions. Keep developing this skill.
Coherence and Cohesion
The foundation of your essay structure shows understanding of essay organization with an introductory paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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