IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think traffic and housing problems in large cities can be solved by moving companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #traffic #cities #companies #factories #employees #countryside
It is believed by many individuals that shifting the industrial structures and establishments to the rural area can lead to reduced congestion in streets and solve the residency issue faced by
people
 of the
city
 as well. I completely agree with the thought as the main crowd of the
city
 comes from the traffic of working individuals so, moving them to a distance from the town can lead to emptier roads and happier lives.
To begin
 with, currently, most of the workplaces are established in the
city
 centre which results in a large number of
people
 coming to the same place at the same time.
As a result
, there is a mass gathering during peak time of the working days which results in extreme frustration and anger.
For instance
, many
people
 are coming to work complaining about the troubles they faced on their way and that affects their mood as well the quality of their work.
This
 can be minimized significantly if the office is
further
 away from the centre.
In addition
, the rising cost of accommodation can be avoided if
people
 start working from rural areas as they will choose to live near their workplace.
This
 will not only fix the staying issue but
also
 develop the rural areas as well.
For example
, if offices are moved to a
city
 away from the downtown, there will be more humans living there and a lot of malls and restaurants will eventually start opening their branches there.
This
 will be like solving two problems at once.
To sum up
, a change in the location of professional establishments will ease
people
 in doing their everyday activities more smoothly.
Submitted by samihareza14 on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance cohesion, consider varying your connecting phrases rather than relying heavily on similar structures. For instance, instead of repeating phrases such as 'For example,' try introducing diversity with 'For instance,' 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' etc.
task achievement
While your task response is commendable, ensure to also explore counter-arguments to strengthen your discussion. This could provide a more nuanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear stance and well-developed arguments to support your point of view.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is coherent, and the structure of your essay, including an introduction and conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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