In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
In our modern world, the choices made by young
people
with regards
to beginning a career are changing as many of them are Fix the agreement mistake
regard
choosing
do training in the workplace. Add the particle
choosing to
This
has numerous benefits for both the
society and the young, though some drawbacks Correct article usage
apply
also
exist.
Higher education
opens a number of doors to graduates, who will have more opportunities as life develops, so they feel more satisfied by their profession, have high salaries and the
possibility Add a missing verb
have the
for
improve their Change preposition
to
education
with Master’s
degree in the future. Correct article usage
a Master’s
This
means they will have a higher quality life
, and will be able to save money for the future. Change preposition
of life
Furthermore
, in educating themselves, many people
can feel a sense of satisfaction and personal development.
However
, a huge advantage for youngsters making the decision to enter the workplace nowadays is in
the range of apprenticeship and training opportunities available. These allow young workers to earn enough money and Change preposition
apply
recieve
on-the-job training Correct your spelling
receive
while
attending college courses and getting qualifications. In countries where this
apprenticeships are not available, young Change the determiner
these
people
may be able to pay their
own part-time studies by earning a salary. Change preposition
for their
For example
, they might chose
to gain experience working as part of a team in a convenience store or cafe, allowing them to learn on the job and save some money.
Change the verb form
choose
Furthermore
, the experience that young people
receive when working is unvaluable
in the real world of work. Correct your spelling
invaluable
That is
to say, education
is good for understanding in general, but you cannot be such
good
worker in an office environment with only knowledge from books. Indeed, our society needs Correct article usage
a good
people
who know how to do things, not just talk about them.
In conclusion, there are many advantages of a traditionally
university Change the adverb
traditional
education
, but I believe the benefits of more modern options outweigh them, as they are open to all and enable young people
to gain awareness
and experience necessary to earn a good salary from their chosen career.Correct article usage
the awareness
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, try to deepen the analysis of each advantage and disadvantage, providing more nuanced insights or broader implications.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good organization and clear paragraph structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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