The number of people at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What causes the increasing rate of overweight people in society? How to solve this problem?

Obesity

and diabetes are among the major health issues that are primarily caused by being overweight.

Also

, the percentage of individuals who are concerned about their weight is rising. In fact, it brings detrimental impacts to the sustainable development of the nation. I will highlight some points below. It has more and more developing countries in the world and humans have more bustling lifestyles.

That is

the reason why office workers or busy

people

do not have time for their

meals

As a result

people

start to rely on fast food for their

meals

in order to function effectively, stay full, and finish their

meals

quickly. Because fast food contains a lot of carbohydrates, our bodies absorb a lot of sugar from it,

Correct word choice

and

show examples

obesity

problems and some digestive disorders can

last

longer.

In addition

people

nowadays need to work around the clock, so they do not spend time for exercise or walking around. They merely sit in one place and solve their job tasks. From that, they will have many issues with muscles and

obesity

. Admittedly, overweight

people

in the community are gradually increasing. We still have some valid ways to address these problems,

first,

the government and companies may spend welfare funds to provide

meals

and necessary outdoor activities for their workers.

Consequently

this

not only lowers the prevalence of

obesity

in society but

also

increases worker motivation and productivity.

Second,

the negative effects of being overweight need to be taken into account by the government and citizens.The government must include these controversial topics in the curriculum and on television. That helps citizens have enough basic knowledge and significant awareness regarding their

meals

As a consequence

, overweight concerns in a state can be reduced apparently. In conclusion, being overweight is the main concern of the health system because it can bring many types of serious diseases into our lives. The rising prevalence of overweight is a result of hectic and hectic lifestyles. We still have effective options to consider, though, we must respond as quickly as possible.

Submitted by okookk123456 on Tue May 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific examples or data to support your arguments, particularly when discussing solutions to the obesity problem.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs to improve readability and structure.

task achievement

Seek to explore the causality between lifestyle choices and obesity in more depth to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a comprehensive conclusion, demonstrating a strong understanding of the essay structure.

task achievement

You've done well to identify significant causes and suggest feasible solutions to the problem, articulating a relevant and complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

337 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, it is believed that huge amounts of foods are not consumed in a lot of countries. This essay will discuss the reason that many generations waste food in this method and the solution to decrease the amount of food that is not finished eaten.
6
band
The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
The given two figures depict the map of a university’s sports centre at present and the new map by reconstruction.
7.5
band
The qualities that help people reach success in modern life cannot be learned in university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Modern life is quite complicated and without many essential qualities. There are many viewpoints to reach success. The most popular are to enter university, engage in self-development, read books and try in business. So, there is an existing idea that the skills you need to reach success impossible to learn in university or other academic institutions. In my essay, I will discuss ideas to support and disagree with this idea and give my opinion at the end.
5
band
More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons for your answers and include examples relevant to your experience.
It is frequently believed that the number of people purchasing fashionable clothes is increasing annually, In this essay, I'm going to compare advantages and disadvantages and include reasons for it.
7.5
band
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Technological advancements and cutting-edge gadgets' creation have brought many advantages to human beings, one of the foremost being remote work. For this reason, many people argue that working from home has many advantages that should be leveraged, while many others think that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. I believe that both sides should be considered, and in this essay, I explain in detail my point of view.

The number of people at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What causes the increasing rate of overweight people in society? How to solve this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The qualities that help people reach success in modern life cannot be learned in university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons for your answers and include examples relevant to your experience.

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.