Many people around the world use social media day to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Dear Ms.Adams, I am writing
this
letter to request
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
follow up
Join the words
follow-up
show examples
care for the patient Mr.Wilson, who attempted suicide by using Mogodol in high dosage.He
got
Verb problem
was
show examples
admitted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
our centre on 13/8/2009. He has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
past medical history of bronchitis and psoriasis. He is a heavy smoker and addicted to gambling for 2 years. He was a regular social drinker. He lives with his wife and son. He has 2 married daughters and 5
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
, He became depressed when he
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
to overcome
gambling
Correct pronoun usage
his gambling
show examples
addiction
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because he
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
lost lots of his money. We managed him with antidepressants like Lovan200g. He was newly diagnosed with diabetes. Diprosone
ov
Change the capitalization
Ov
show examples
cream and Lonil T shampoo
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
prescribed for psoriasis. He started to use
Add an article
a wheel
show examples
wheel chair
Correct your spelling
wheelchair
show examples
for mobilisation. His wife wants to consult Dr. Brian a psychologist and regular
followup
Correct your spelling
follow-up
show examples
appointments are highly recommended. He needs encouragement to maintain
anti depressant
Correct your spelling
antidepressant
show examples
medications regularly and he
also
needs regular social worker
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
show examples
for gambling addiction therapy. I have attached all the pertinent details for your
Correct your spelling
perusal
perusual
Correct your spelling
perusal
. Please do not hesitate to contact me
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
of any queries.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
It seems there might have been a misunderstanding regarding the task. The content provided is in the form of a letter detailing a patient's condition and not an essay discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media use. Please ensure to address the actual topic provided which is about the impact of social media on relationships and information dissemination.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your writing does resemble a formal letter, which is appropriate for certain IELTS tasks but not for the essay question asked. For essay tasks, remember to include an introduction that briefly states your opinion, body paragraphs that discuss points in detail, and a conclusion that summarizes your stance.
coherence cohesion
If you were addressing the right task, remember to support your main points with examples or evidence. This helps in strengthening your argument and makes your essay more persuasive and coherent.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully demonstrated the ability to write a detailed and specific formal letter, indicating strong writing skills and the capability to convey information clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!