Nowadays, more and more people to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?
There is a current trend that young couples tend to build
family
and have children in the later Fix the agreement mistake
families
years
of their life. This
phenomenon can be the result of financial constrains
from economic crises and more Correct your spelling
constraints
years
invested in education. It also
provide
benefits and drawbacks towards Change the verb form
provides
the
society, Correct article usage
apply
which
I personally believe that Correct word choice
and
this
trend has given
more positive effects.
Verb problem
apply
To begin
, it is undeniable that having a baby requires a large sum of money, from birth to adulthood. Combining
with recent Wrong verb form
Combined
econimic
crises from the pandemic and wars, there Correct your spelling
economic
are
more financial burden on basic utilities and costs of living. Change the verb form
is
For example
, inflation
rate in 2023 increased Add an article
the inflation
sharper
than previous Replace the word
sharply
years
. In addition
, with the competitiveness in the labour market, the
young adults Correct article usage
apply
needs
more degrees and Change the verb form
need
experiences
in order to secure a job. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
Consequently
, the youngsters needs
more time to accumulate Change the verb form
need
the
their stabilities and leads to building a family later than the previous generations.
Remove the article
apply
According to
the trend, the parents
with more maturity and stability,
could provide more quality time and resources for their Remove the comma
apply
offsprings
. Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
For instance
, parents
in their thirties can be more calm in handling their childre
. As the kids' behaviour Correct your spelling
children
heavily
Add a missing verb
is heavily
infulenced
by their Correct your spelling
influenced
parents
, it could result in the kids with better bahaviour
. Correct your spelling
behaviour
However
, when they starting
having babies late, they could face Wrong verb form
start
with
fertility issues, which lead to improper population proportions, Change preposition
apply
less
working Correct word choice
and less
force
to take care Correct your spelling
workforce
the
elderly. Change preposition
of the
Although
,
there is a risk of less workforce in the future, the quality population and advancement of technology could compensate Remove the comma
apply
the
issue.
In conclusion, Change preposition
for the
the
young people Correct article usage
apply
is
currently plan to have children in later Unnecessary verb
apply
years
as more
economic burden and Add an article
a more
years
in education, which could lead to more matured
Replace the word
mature
parents
and more
quality population in the future.Correct article usage
a more
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Grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and typing mistakes, as they can slightly distract from the message.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a broader variety of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider integrating more specific, real-world examples to bolster your arguments and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate the main points.
Content Development
You've effectively developed your main points with reasoning and some examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Your essay shows a clear position throughout, maintaining a consistent argument on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.