Nowadays, more and more people to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#people #children #life #outweigh

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There is a current trend that young couples tend to build

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and have children in the later

years

of their life.

This

phenomenon can be the result of financial

constrains

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constraints

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from economic crises and more

years

invested in education. It

also

provide

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provides

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benefits and drawbacks towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society,

which

Correct word choice

and

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I personally believe that

this

trend has

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

more positive effects.

To begin

, it is undeniable that having a baby requires a large sum of money, from birth to adulthood.

Combining

Wrong verb form

Combined

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with recent

econimic

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economic

crises from the pandemic and wars, there

are

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show examples

more financial burden on basic utilities and costs of living.

For example

inflation

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the inflation

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rate in 2023 increased

sharper

Replace the word

sharply

show examples

than previous

years

In addition

, with the competitiveness in the labour market,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young adults

needs

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need

show examples

more degrees and

experiences

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experience

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in order to secure a job.

Consequently

, the youngsters

needs

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need

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more time to accumulate

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

their stabilities and leads to building a family later than the previous generations.

According to

the trend, the

parents

with more maturity and stability

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apply

show examples

could provide more quality time and resources for their

offsprings

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offspring

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For instance

parents

in their thirties can be more calm in handling their

childre

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children

. As the kids' behaviour

heavily

Add a missing verb

is heavily

show examples

infulenced

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influenced

by their

parents

, it could result in the kids with better

bahaviour

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behaviour

However

, when they

starting

Wrong verb form

start

show examples

having babies late, they could face

with

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apply

show examples

fertility issues, which lead to improper population proportions,

less

Correct word choice

and less

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working

force

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workforce

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to take care

the

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of the

show examples

elderly.

Although

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apply

show examples

there is a risk of less workforce in the future, the quality population and advancement of technology could compensate

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

issue. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

currently plan to have children in later

years

Add an article

a more

show examples

economic burden and

years

in education, which could lead to more

matured

Replace the word

mature

show examples

parents

and

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

quality population in the future.

Submitted by pimpisut.sata on Tue May 07 2024

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Grammar

Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and typing mistakes, as they can slightly distract from the message.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a broader variety of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Consider integrating more specific, real-world examples to bolster your arguments and provide concrete evidence for your claims.

Structure

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate the main points.

Content Development

You've effectively developed your main points with reasoning and some examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Task Response

Your essay shows a clear position throughout, maintaining a consistent argument on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Nowadays, more and more people to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write at least 250 words

Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However some say that young people can also take the lead of organisations or companies. To what extend do you agree or disagree?