Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A number of
children
, nowadays, lead their lifestyle unhealthy. The responsibility for this
phenomenon has belonged
to both schools and parents. Wrong verb form
belongs
This
essay totally agrees with that statement because of the undeveloped minds of children
and their dependence on their living environments.
Children
, the undeveloped person
, may not have enough ability to think clearly and voluntarily that why they need tutors. Fix the agreement mistake
people
For example
, young person tend to prioritise their entertainment over their health
which is a lack of care about the possibility of being ill in the future. It is the strong antibody that makes them think they never get sick, while
their body is being demolished gradually by unhealthy factors. Parallely, schools and parents, unlikely to young children
, are wiser and developed
so that they will know exactly the way to protect their Correct quantifier usage
more developed
health
and stay whole.
Another thing that must be considered, mimic is the fund of teenagers which can lead them to many bad habits. Take the sporting laziness in Asian
young ages like a prime example that they explain to ape their parents keep Replace the word
Asians
over exercise
in order to spend time on Correct your spelling
overexercised
works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Moreover
, a lot of Asian teachers are despising physical education or repurposing them which creates a bad way of thinking about physical health
. Elder people already know about the drawbacks of illness through life experiences and knowledge so what they can do now is open their minds and educate their children
.
To conclude
because of having more experience, and awareness , elder people such
as school teachers or tutors respond to their young children
's health
. Education has to be provided to a child in the way to improve their body health
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Grammar
Make sure to maintain consistent verb tenses throughout your essay to enhance readability.
Coherence
Clarify the connection between ideas with smoother transitions and clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
Examples
Consider adding more varied and accurate examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Spelling/Grammar
Review and correct minor spelling and grammatical errors to improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Response
Your essay clearly agrees with the statement and provides a structured argument to support your view, which is great for task achievement.
Coherence
You've managed to outline your main points in a logical manner, contributing to the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Ideas
The essay encompasses a broad perspective by considering the roles of both schools and parents, which enhances its comprehensiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.