IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that governments should pay for public health care and education, while others say that it is not governments’ responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #governments’ #responsibility
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Some
people
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 contend that it is
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
responsibility
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 to financially support
people
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's
health
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care
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 and education, whilst others argue that it is rather an individual's
responsibility
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. I personally align with the former opinion as I believe it is the
government
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's
responsibility
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 to provide basic needs and protection for their
people
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 who cannot specifically protect themselves. On the one hand, there might be some
people
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 saying that the spending
of
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on
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 public
health
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care
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 and education is not dependent on the
government
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 as there are more significant tasks that need to be done on a global scale.
For example
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, it might be a big burden on the
government
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's financial status if they have to pay for all the money regarding medical and educational purposes when they have other significant issues to deal with. The
government
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 has a
responsibility
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 to strengthen the country's infrastructure by building new convenient facilities
such
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 as hospitals, movie theatres, hotels, and so on.
Furthermore
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, they are responsible for maintaining peaceful relationships with other neighbouring countries through
dilligent
Correct your spelling
diligent
 diplomacy. With all these issues for the
government
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 to deal with, it may be too much of a burden for them to pay for
the
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apply
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health
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 and medical
care
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 and education.
On the other hand
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, others insist that it is the
government
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's
responsibility
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 to take
care
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 of their
people
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 in terms of basic needs regarding directly their survival.
For instance
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, the
government
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 needs to financially support
people
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 who are old or handicapped since it is extremely hard for them to find proper jobs for their living. If these types of
people
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 are not protected by the
government
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, they might end up committing
to
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apply
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crimes as a way of living and
this
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 could
consequently
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 harm the country's whole economic status. For these reasons, I believe that the
government
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 is required to pay for
people
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's
health
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care
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 and educational expenditures. In conclusion,
although
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 the
government
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 paying for medical and educational costs might cause a big burden, I agree with the opinion of the
government
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's taking over the
responsibility
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 as they have responsibilities to provide basic needs for their
people
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.
Submitted by chloepark990526 on

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Specificity of Examples
Ensure your examples are as specific and relevant as possible to strengthen your argument. Broad examples might not fully demonstrate your point.
Balance of Discussion
Consider a balanced approach by exploring both views equally before stating your opinion, to demonstrate an understanding of the discussion.
Transitional Phrasing
To enhance coherence, transition more smoothly between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking phrases and words that clearly show the relationship between points.
Essay Structure
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument cohesively.
Effectiveness of Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and the reasoning behind it, reinforcing your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Equal Access**
  • **Economic Growth**
  • **Public Good**
  • **Preventative Measures**
  • **Social Stability**
  • **Financial Burden**
  • **Efficiency Issues**
  • **Limited Choice**
  • **Innovation**
  • **Moral Hazard**
  • fundamental human rights
  • socioeconomic status
  • productive population
  • social inequality
  • bureaucracy
  • competitive pressures
  • innovation
  • preventative measures
  • publicly funded
  • healthcare and education services
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