In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #children #food #school #canteens #fight

Health issues arising from consuming excessive amounts of junk food are a cause of great concern in many countries

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

among

children

.There are calls for governments to ban unhealthy foods in schools ,

moreover

, promote a healthy diet system On the one hand , obesity-related diseases are common among kids these days

as a result

of the high consumption of potentially harmful foods. Many school students attempt to eat high-calorie meals and high-sugar content drinks .

Moreover

, these nutrients are affordable and easy to get but

on the other hand

, they decrease the immunity system ,leading to a remarkable rise in heart and liver diseases.

Furthermore

this

will put a huge strain on health sections either by high taxes, every year or by the huge amount of medications spent on these sick

children

On the other hand

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy diets should be prohibited in primary education centres. Educational programs about nutrition and the dangers of fast food can complement the ban and increase its effectiveness.

Moreover

,The need for a holistic approach that includes physical activity and parental guidance at home.

For example

, many schooling programs in the UK started showing more interest in sports and physical efforts for their students to keep their well-being and mental progress

To sum up

,Implementing healthier food choices in school canteens can promote better eating habits among

children

Moreover

, home care and awareness represent 90% of their

children

's health.

Submitted by moonymum0011 on Tue May 07 2024

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Coherence

In several places, you could enhance coherence by more effectively using linking words or phrases to connect your ideas.

Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structure more to add fluency to your text. This can make your essay more engaging to read.

Examples

Providing more specific examples to support your arguments can make your essay more convincing and comprehensive. Try to include data or case studies if possible.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
correlation
consumption
unhealthy food options
promote
eating habits
educational programs
nutrition
effectiveness
resistance
logistical issues
enforcing
holistic approach
physical activity
parental guidance
safeguarding

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In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

You recently purchased a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work properly. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter: Describe the problem with the equipment. Explain how this issue has affected you. State what you would like the store to do about it.

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

in some countries , it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. is this a positive or negative development?