In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #children #food #school #canteens #fight

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Health issues arising from consuming excessive amounts of junk food are a cause of great concern in many countries

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

among

children

Use synonyms

.There are calls for governments to ban unhealthy foods in schools ,

moreover

Linking Words

, promote a healthy diet system On the one hand , obesity-related diseases are common among kids these days

as a result

Linking Words

of the high consumption of potentially harmful foods. Many school students attempt to eat high-calorie meals and high-sugar content drinks .

Moreover

Linking Words

, these nutrients are affordable and easy to get but

on the other hand

Linking Words

, they decrease the immunity system ,leading to a remarkable rise in heart and liver diseases.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

will put a huge strain on health sections either by high taxes, every year or by the huge amount of medications spent on these sick

children

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy diets should be prohibited in primary education centres. Educational programs about nutrition and the dangers of fast food can complement the ban and increase its effectiveness.

Moreover

Linking Words

,The need for a holistic approach that includes physical activity and parental guidance at home.

For example

Linking Words

, many schooling programs in the UK started showing more interest in sports and physical efforts for their students to keep their well-being and mental progress

To sum up

Linking Words

,Implementing healthier food choices in school canteens can promote better eating habits among

children

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, home care and awareness represent 90% of their

children

Use synonyms

's health.

Submitted by moonymum0011 on Tue May 07 2024

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Introduction

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Coherence

In several places, you could enhance coherence by more effectively using linking words or phrases to connect your ideas.

Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structure more to add fluency to your text. This can make your essay more engaging to read.

Examples

Providing more specific examples to support your arguments can make your essay more convincing and comprehensive. Try to include data or case studies if possible.

Task response

You demonstrated a clear position throughout the essay, effectively addressing the prompt.

Argument Support

Your arguments are relevant and largely supported by general statements or examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

231 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
correlation
consumption
unhealthy food options
promote
eating habits
educational programs
nutrition
effectiveness
resistance
logistical issues
enforcing
holistic approach
physical activity
parental guidance
safeguarding

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In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to fight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People today spend less and less time interacting with other people in their neighborhood and this has a negative impact on community. What are the causes and solutions? by