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Band 5

All university students should do some voluntary work to help the local community. To what do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #work #community
Some people hold the view that voluntary
work
 should be done by colleagues to make the local community better.
Although
 there are some arguments behind
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 statements, I still firmly agree with
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Opponents of the
fact
 that students from
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 and colleges could take a chance to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer for the local community may have some arguments. The first point is that doing voluntary
work
 may waste students’ time. It is true that the amount of projects and documents that they have to finish before the deadline is a significant burden for them, thereby avoiding social
work
 so as to the
fact
 that they could have more time to struggle with the issues. Another point is that students could have more works that offer salaries rather than being a volunteer with no remuneration.
However
,
this
 just can be maintained in a temporary period
due to
 the lack of social skills and experience and
thus
, they would be fired easily. Notwithstanding, I am wholeheartedly in favour of that statement. The first opinion is that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a whole range of voluntary works that fit in with their hobbies and dreams.
Such
 wonderful works in their best aspect can allow them to gain more experience easily without any competitive factor and
thus
, it is absolutely worthwhile to attain the acquisition of achievements in the early step of life. Another point worth
mentioned
Change the form of the verb
mentioning
show examples
 is that voluntary
work
 might be the best way to make their CV more impressive to employers. There is a rationale for the
fact
 that the more skills and experience they have, the more chance they can get to have a well-paid job, thereby not only
being
Verb problem
making it
show examples
 possible for them to have a life that everybody outside there always dreams about, but it
also
 make them have a tendency to strive for a better salary To summarise, even though I acknowledge the logic behind the opposite view of the
fact
 that
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should be better for colleagues and university students to do voluntary
work
 for the local community. I still agree with that statement.
Submitted by alicema0503 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your argument by avoiding overly complex sentences. Break down ideas into more digestible parts for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising your essay structure to include a clearer introduction of the topic, followed by arguments for and against, before concluding your stance. This will enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Enhance your essay by including more specific examples to support your arguments. Doing so will make your points more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid casual expressions and ensure your language is appropriately academic.
general
Work on proofreading your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos, as these can distract from your message.
content understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, presenting arguments both for and against the notion of students engaging in volunteer work.
argument structure
You've made a strong effort to incorporate a concluding statement that ties together your overall stance on the matter, highlighting the value of volunteer work.
persuasion effectiveness
Your enthusiasm for the positive impacts of volunteer work comes through clearly, making your argument compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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