Vaccination of children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Generally, our immune
system
is more strong
against the Correct word choice
stronger
diseases
that it is known by
usChange preposition
to
,
because our body knows how to fight against Remove the comma
apply
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Vaccination
helps our body to acquintance
with Correct your spelling
acquaintance
the
new Correct article usage
apply
diseases
and improve our body's duration against it
. Lately, especially Correct pronoun usage
them
in
social media Change preposition
on
people
discuss the idea of vaccination
being bad for our children
an0d
making them sick. Correct your spelling
and
İn
Correct your spelling
In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will discuss Change the capitalization
I
the
Correct article usage
apply
vaccination
being
not only importantChange the form of the verb
is
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
helpful for our children
.
Nowadays, some people
are against the children
's vaccination
because of the speculation that vaccinaton
creates Correct your spelling
vaccination
vaccinations
diseases
like autism in children
. İ completely disagree with this
idea. İn
the past Correct your spelling
In
to detect
Change the verb form
detecting
the
autism was more difficult and Correct article usage
apply
people
were not conscious about
Change preposition
of
this
matter like they are today. That's why people
were not aware about
it, but today with the Change the preposition
of
develop
of technology it is Replace the word
development
more easy
to detect the disease, Replace the words
easier
also
nowadays the
parents are more conscious about the Correct article usage
apply
behavoiur
of their babies, so they easily understand the signs when there Correct your spelling
behaviour
is
have problem.
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Vaccination
Correct article usage
The vaccination
proses
Correct your spelling
process
is
very important and crucial for Change the verb form
are
the
Correct article usage
apply
newborn
and toddlers. Fix the agreement mistake
newborns
There
are very fragile Correct pronoun usage
They
agains
Correct your spelling
against
diseases
because their immune system
is
new to Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
world. So vaccination
help
the immune Change the verb form
helps
system
with
showing it how to fight with Change preposition
by
illnes
. Sometimes Correct your spelling
illness
children
can show autism signs after vaccination
process, but Correct article usage
the vaccination
that is
not because they are creating it, most of the time these diseases
are genetic and the vaccines just activate these genes. In conclusion, i
disagree with the idea of vaccines being unnecessary and dangerous, Change the capitalization
I
on the contrary
in my opinion it is crucial in the process of fighting against diseases
and creating strong
immune Correct article usage
a strong
system
.Submitted by eminesixaliyeva on
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Specific Examples
Be sure to provide more detailed, specific examples to support your arguments, which will strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
Evidence
Try to avoid making sweeping generalizations without evidence. Providing references or citing studies can make your argument more credible.
Grammar & Punctuation
Work on grammar and punctuation for clearer expression. Pay attention to run-on sentences and the correct use of commas and periods.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wider range of language skills. This also makes your writing more engaging.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly structured, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Logical Structure
You maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, guiding the reader through your arguments effectively.
Clear Stance
Your stance on the topic is clear, and you reiterate it well in the conclusion, ensuring your viewpoint is understood.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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