IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

*Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?*

#*nowadays #people #health #measures
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In
this
 modern era, residents are not
in
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apply
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well-shaped and exuberant
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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in
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to
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 the previous phase which
lead
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leads
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 to severe health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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.
This
 writer believes that
this
 issue becomes prevalent because of the
addict
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addiction
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 to advanced technologies,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it can be addressed by the intervention from parents and motivating these
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in a positive way. Many captivate
attraction in
Wrong verb form
attract
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 the gadgets that
cause
Verb problem
apply
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the
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apply
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distract in
the
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apply
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people's daily
life
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lives
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. These electronic devices have
the
Correct article usage
an
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 intriguing concept that relating to
this
 phase,
namly
Correct your spelling
namely
 games,
documentairies
Correct your spelling
documentaries
 or
musics
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music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 that cause the addict easily.
Also
, people can mitigate
the
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apply
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stress and even stick
the
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their
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eye
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eyes
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into
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to
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 the screen for
a
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apply
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long hours and all of
these idea
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this idea
these ideas
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 lead to a sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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. Taking
UK
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the UK
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 as a prime example, many teenagers are now utilizing phones without any rest, so that
it
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apply
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momentums the ratio of obesity and other eye issues. But
the
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apply
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assistance from relatives can be
a
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an
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 urgent solution to solve
this
. Adults have already
gain
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gained
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 experiences
through
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over
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long period of time, so they can consult effectively
to
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with
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 about
the
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apply
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detrimental behaviours
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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the
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apply
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laziness.
As a result
, the enhancement is observed clearly, the recognition of the problem is the key to
eliminate
Wrong verb form
eliminating
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 the tendency of the worst personality,
For instance
, Japan
applys
Correct your spelling
applies
apply
 the policy of restricting the young generations
making
Change preposition
from making
show examples
 use of mobile phones if it is unnecessary, and with the help from parents, the
advicements
Correct your spelling
advancements
advancement
 seem to be sufficient and influence the children in the positive perspective. Another view is that the effort of stimulating people can be a salient approach to
this
 issue. The mindset of each
indiviual
Correct your spelling
individual
are
Change the verb form
is
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sorrounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by two distinct sides, awfulness and spectacularity, but the
encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
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 and
compliment
Fix the agreement mistake
compliments
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 can erase the bad characteristics
such
 as
unfit
Add a missing verb
being unfit
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 or passive.
Consequently
, the perception of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 worst attitudes can be deduced in a
dfferent
Correct your spelling
different
 way, a
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
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 one.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Vietnam
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Vietnam
Correct your spelling
the Vietnamese
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 educational system invariably
give
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gives
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Add an article
a certificate
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certificate
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certificates
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 that can raise the
persistent
Replace the word
persistence
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 of
hardworking
Correct word choice
apply
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to delete the maintained cognitive of
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. In conclusion, new high-tech
are
Change the verb form
is
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 now a widespread issue to overweight or
disencouragement
Correct your spelling
discouragement
 but the prohibition from parents and simultaneously inspire in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excelent
Correct your spelling
excellent
 way can be created to restrain
this
 problem.
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Language accuracy
Be cautious with the accuracy and consistency of your grammar and vocabulary. This will make your argument clearer and more persuasive.
Use of examples
Providing specific, real-world examples will strengthen your arguments and make your ideas more convincing.
Ideas development
Try to develop your ideas more fully. While your essay addresses the topic, further exploration of each point could provide a richer, more detailed response.
Essay structure
Organize your essay more effectively by clearly separating ideas into distinct paragraphs and using transitional phrases to connect them. This will improve the flow and coherence of your text.
Topic relevance
You successfully addressed the essay prompt, presenting relevant arguments and suggesting measures to solve the discussed issue.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at an introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and wrapping up your ideas succinctly.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urbanization
  • physical activity
  • transportation modes
  • desk-bound
  • fast food
  • health awareness
  • public health campaigns
  • infrastructure
  • wellness programs
  • physical education
  • fitness trackers
  • active living
  • motivation for exercise
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