*Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?*
In
this
modern era, residents are not in
well-shaped and exuberant Change preposition
apply
comparing
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compared
in
the previous phase which Change preposition
to
lead
to severe health Change the verb form
leads
problem
in Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Correct article usage
the long-term
long-term
. Correct your spelling
long term
This
writer believes that this
issue becomes prevalent because of the addict
to advanced technologies, Replace the word
addiction
however
it can be addressed by the intervention from parents and motivating these Add a comma
however,
indiviuals
in a positive way. Many captivate Correct your spelling
individuals
attraction in
the gadgets that Wrong verb form
attract
cause
Verb problem
apply
the
distract in Correct article usage
apply
the
people's daily Correct article usage
apply
life
. These electronic devices have Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
intriguing concept that relating to Correct article usage
an
this
phase, namly
games, Correct your spelling
namely
documentairies
or Correct your spelling
documentaries
musics
that cause the addict easily. Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
Also
, people can mitigate the
stress and even stick Correct article usage
apply
the
Change the word
their
eye
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eyes
into
the screen for Change preposition
to
a
long hours and all of Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
these idea
lead to a sedentary Change the determiner
this idea
these ideas
life style
. Taking Correct your spelling
lifestyle
UK
as a prime example, many teenagers are now utilizing phones without any rest, so that Correct article usage
the UK
it
momentums the ratio of obesity and other eye issues. But Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
assistance from relatives can be Correct article usage
apply
a
urgent solution to solve Change the article
an
this
. Adults have already gain
experiences Change the verb form
gained
through
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over
the
long period of time, so they can consult effectively Correct article usage
a
to
Change preposition
with
childrens
about Correct your spelling
children
the
detrimental behaviours Correct article usage
apply
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
the
laziness. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, the enhancement is observed clearly, the recognition of the problem is the key to eliminate
the tendency of the worst personality, Wrong verb form
eliminating
For instance
, Japan applys
the policy of restricting the young generations Correct your spelling
applies
apply
making
use of mobile phones if it is unnecessary, and with the help from parents, the Change preposition
from making
advicements
seem to be sufficient and influence the children in the positive perspective. Another view is that the effort of stimulating people can be a salient approach to Correct your spelling
advancements
advancement
this
issue. The mindset of each indiviual
Correct your spelling
individual
are
Change the verb form
is
sorrounded
by two distinct sides, awfulness and spectacularity, but the Correct your spelling
surrounded
encouragements
and Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
compliment
can erase the bad characteristics Fix the agreement mistake
compliments
such
as unfit
or passive. Add a missing verb
being unfit
Consequently
, the perception of this
worst attitudes can be deduced in a Correct determiner usage
these
dfferent
way, a Correct your spelling
different
marvelous
one. Change the spelling
marvellous
For example
, Correct article usage
the Vietnam
Vietnam
educational system invariably Correct your spelling
the Vietnamese
give
Change the verb form
gives
Add an article
a certificate
certificate
that can raise the Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
persistent
of Replace the word
persistence
hardworking
to delete the maintained cognitive of Correct word choice
apply
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
life style
. In conclusion, new high-tech Correct your spelling
lifestyle
are
now a widespread issue to overweight or Change the verb form
is
disencouragement
but the prohibition from parents and simultaneously inspire in Correct your spelling
discouragement
a
Change the article
an
excelent
way can be created to restrain Correct your spelling
excellent
this
problem.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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Language accuracy
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Use of examples
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Ideas development
Try to develop your ideas more fully. While your essay addresses the topic, further exploration of each point could provide a richer, more detailed response.
Essay structure
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Topic relevance
You successfully addressed the essay prompt, presenting relevant arguments and suggesting measures to solve the discussed issue.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at an introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and wrapping up your ideas succinctly.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion