*Nowadays, people are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long-run. Why do you think this is? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?*

In
this
modern era, residents are not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well-shaped and exuberant
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the previous phase which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to severe health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
This
writer believes that
this
issue becomes prevalent because of the
addict
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
to advanced technologies,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it can be addressed by the intervention from parents and motivating these
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
in a positive way. Many captivate
attraction in
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
the gadgets that
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distract in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. These electronic devices have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
intriguing concept that relating to
this
phase,
namly
Correct your spelling
namely
games,
documentairies
Correct your spelling
documentaries
or
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
that cause the addict easily.
Also
, people can mitigate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and even stick
the
Change the word
their
show examples
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the screen for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
long hours and all of
these idea
Change the determiner
this idea
these ideas
show examples
lead to a sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. Taking
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
as a prime example, many teenagers are now utilizing phones without any rest, so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
momentums the ratio of obesity and other eye issues. But
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assistance from relatives can be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
urgent solution to solve
this
. Adults have already
gain
Change the verb form
gained
show examples
experiences
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
long period of time, so they can consult effectively
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detrimental behaviours
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laziness.
As a result
, the enhancement is observed clearly, the recognition of the problem is the key to
eliminate
Wrong verb form
eliminating
show examples
the tendency of the worst personality,
For instance
, Japan
applys
Correct your spelling
applies
apply
the policy of restricting the young generations
making
Change preposition
from making
show examples
use of mobile phones if it is unnecessary, and with the help from parents, the
advicements
Correct your spelling
advancements
advancement
seem to be sufficient and influence the children in the positive perspective. Another view is that the effort of stimulating people can be a salient approach to
this
issue. The mindset of each
indiviual
Correct your spelling
individual
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
sorrounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
by two distinct sides, awfulness and spectacularity, but the
encouragements
Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
show examples
and
compliment
Fix the agreement mistake
compliments
show examples
can erase the bad characteristics
such
as
unfit
Add a missing verb
being unfit
show examples
or passive.
Consequently
, the perception of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
worst attitudes can be deduced in a
dfferent
Correct your spelling
different
way, a
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
one.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Vietnam
show examples
Vietnam
Correct your spelling
the Vietnamese
show examples
educational system invariably
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
Add an article
a certificate
show examples
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
show examples
that can raise the
persistent
Replace the word
persistence
show examples
of
hardworking
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to delete the maintained cognitive of
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. In conclusion, new high-tech
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
now a widespread issue to overweight or
disencouragement
Correct your spelling
discouragement
but the prohibition from parents and simultaneously inspire in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excelent
Correct your spelling
excellent
way can be created to restrain
this
problem.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language accuracy
Be cautious with the accuracy and consistency of your grammar and vocabulary. This will make your argument clearer and more persuasive.
Use of examples
Providing specific, real-world examples will strengthen your arguments and make your ideas more convincing.
Ideas development
Try to develop your ideas more fully. While your essay addresses the topic, further exploration of each point could provide a richer, more detailed response.
Essay structure
Organize your essay more effectively by clearly separating ideas into distinct paragraphs and using transitional phrases to connect them. This will improve the flow and coherence of your text.
Topic relevance
You successfully addressed the essay prompt, presenting relevant arguments and suggesting measures to solve the discussed issue.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at an introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and wrapping up your ideas succinctly.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urbanization
  • physical activity
  • transportation modes
  • desk-bound
  • fast food
  • health awareness
  • public health campaigns
  • infrastructure
  • wellness programs
  • physical education
  • fitness trackers
  • active living
  • motivation for exercise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: