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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

ome people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinio

#ome #people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth #opinio
According to
 some, money should be spent on research
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 looking for
Correct article usage
the existance
show examples
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of life on other planets
while
 some
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that it is a waste of money, and there are many more important problems on the
Earth
 that need to be
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
.
Although
, it is true that there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of urgent issues on
Earth
 that need to be tackled
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
, I firmly believe that space exploration should be done as it is
also
 very important. An outstanding example of
this
 is the technology that we are using today which is the result of exploration so we should see the wonders of
this
 Universe. Mars is the planet
that is
expored
Correct your spelling
explored
exported
exposed
 and signs of life can be seen there as it has some favourable conditions for humans.
For Example
, a recent experiment is under process in which
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 are growing crops on the planets and
expermints
Correct your spelling
experiments
 are done on
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
. We should explore other planets
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be there be some people living and
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 these research programmes we should contact them even some communities of aliens and different creatures may prevail there.
On the other hand
, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 more important issues on
Earth
 like global warming, environmental issues, food security and sustainability and
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 sector that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 government attention and resources government should take notice of these and spend money on these for
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
 of existing people on
Earth
.
To sum up
,
although
 there are many
issuese
Correct your spelling
issues
 that need attention
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
governmennt
Correct your spelling
government
 should
also
 spend
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount on research programmes.
Submitted by sananayyab91 on

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logical structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from the previous one.
introduction conclusion present
Introduce the topic and your opinion more clearly in the introduction, and summarise your points more effectively in the conclusion.
supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Make sure your response directly addresses all parts of the task. Introduce the topic, discuss both views thoroughly, and clearly state your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and concisely. Aim for coherence in your writing to ensure that your ideas are communicated effectively.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to illustrate your points and makes your essay more engaging.
balanced discussion
You've provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for a discursive essay.
personal touch
Your enthusiasm for space exploration comes through, adding a personal touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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