IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You have decided to set up a business for which you want to avail the facility of bank loan. Write a letter to the bank manager requesting for information about the bank loan and in your letter, write the following: Why you are writing the letter What is the amount of bank loan you need When you are able to repay the loan

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Dear Madam I hope
this
Linking Words
 email finds you in radiant health and you are doing well. I am writing
this
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 letter to get proper information about
bank
Add an article
the bank
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 loan. Because I want to start a small business. So that I need a lot of
money
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, I
need
Add the particle
need to
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 take a
money
Use synonyms
$
Change preposition
of $
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150 000.I want to start a perfume company.The company must be
a
Change the article
apply
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comfortable for employees and consumers.
In addition
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,I am planning to give
money
Use synonyms
 and gifts to the workers every weekend for their good work, please give me more
money
Use synonyms
 for
this
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.The intention of revealing
this
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 statement shows that I would appreciate it if we could schedule a meeting to discuss
this
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 matter
further
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 and explore the various loan options available through your bank. Your expertise and guidance would be invaluable in helping me make informed decisions about my financial needs. Thank you for considering my request .I am looking forward to replying to you soon. Yours faithfully Lisa

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structure
Ensure your letter has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion parts for improved coherence.
paragraph use
Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas or requests for better readability.
tone
Consider a more formal tone and precise language when discussing financial needs and repayments in business correspondence.
detailing
When specifying the loan amount and purpose, provide concise and relevant details to support your request.
repayment plan
Clarify your repayment plan more explicitly to strengthen your request.
task response
You successfully explained the purpose of the letter and the loan amount required.
closing
The closing section of the letter is polite and anticipates a response, which is appropriate for the context.
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