Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community.They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In
this
period of globalization, many people believe that it is important for adolescents
to work
in unpaid jobs during their free time in order to help the local society more and more. This
essay agrees that having many teenagers
work
can be really beneficial. Firstly
, this
essay will discuss how allowing adolescents
to work
in unpaid jobs can benefit society. Secondly
, many teenagers
can acquire a lot of experience which will be beneficial in their future professions.
Supporting my agreement to
the given statement, I firmly believe that supporting Change preposition
with
to participate
Verb problem
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
adolescents
in unpaid occupations can have a positive impact on the
society.To cite an example, there are some professions which require many workers,Correct article usage
apply
from
the financial side it can cause problems. Volunteer workers might be the best solution for Correct word choice
and from
this
issue.Not only they can increase the productivity of work
, but also
exempts
from spending excess money Replace the word
exempt
for
community affairs. Change preposition
on
Consequently
, extra money might be spent in other fields.For instance
, Buildings which need
Wrong verb form
that are needed
for
Change preposition
by
community
like hospitals, schools or kindergartens might be constructed.
Explaining some of the Correct article usage
the community
another supporting points
in favour Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
this
statement, it is true that using Change preposition
of this
teenagers
as a volunteer worker as a way of increasing productivity of work
is a very good idea.Consequently
, This
can be really beneficial for teenagers
themselves.For instance
, If they work
in certain occupations which be related to their field of study, this
may be chance
to acquire extra experience. Correct article usage
a chance
Furthermore
, they can use practically from their theoretical knowledge.
In conclusion, I agree that supporting to participate adolescents
to work
in unpaid professions can bring advantages to the local community.They can provide productivity of work
as well as
save more money.Furthermore
they can improve their practical knowledge.I believe that Add a comma
Furthermore,
aforementioned
points are strongly supporting my Correct article usage
the aforementioned
view point
.Correct your spelling
viewpoint
Submitted by Teo Halimov on
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coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples from real-life situations to strengthen your arguments.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main idea for better clarity.
general
Work on varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that underline your point of view.
task achievement
Good coverage of the topic with a clear position throughout the essay.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?