IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community.They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
Linking Words
 period of globalization, many people believe that it is important for
adolescents
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in unpaid jobs during their free time in order to help the local society more and more.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that having many
teenagers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 can be really beneficial.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how allowing
adolescents
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in unpaid jobs can benefit society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can acquire a lot of experience which will be beneficial in their future professions. Supporting my agreement
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the given statement, I firmly believe that supporting
to participate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents
Use synonyms
 in unpaid occupations can have a positive impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.To cite an example, there are some professions which require many workers,
from
Correct word choice
and from
show examples
 the financial side it can cause problems. Volunteer workers might be the best solution for
this
Linking Words
 issue.Not only they can increase the productivity of
work
Use synonyms
, but
also
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exempts
Replace the word
exempt
show examples
 from spending excess money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 community affairs.
Consequently
Linking Words
, extra money might be spent in other fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, Buildings
which need
Wrong verb form
that are needed
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 like hospitals, schools or kindergartens might be constructed. Explaining some of the
another supporting points
Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
show examples
 in favour
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 statement, it is true that using
teenagers
Use synonyms
 as a volunteer worker as a way of increasing productivity of
work
Use synonyms
 is a very good idea.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 can be really beneficial for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, If they
work
Use synonyms
 in certain occupations which be related to their field of study,
this
Linking Words
 may be
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to acquire extra experience.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can use practically from their theoretical knowledge. In conclusion, I agree that supporting to participate
adolescents
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in unpaid professions can bring advantages to the local community.They can provide productivity of
work
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 save more money.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 they can improve their practical knowledge.I believe that
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 points are strongly supporting my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples from real-life situations to strengthen your arguments.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main idea for better clarity.
general
Work on varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that underline your point of view.
task achievement
Good coverage of the topic with a clear position throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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