In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?

In recent times, the matter of
children
has been a topic of debate.
While
in some countries, people nowadays spend less time with
children
and what are the causes of
this
. Whom does
this
affect more,
parents
or
children
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In
this
essay, I will explore both perspectives before giving
personal
Add an article
a personal
show examples
opinion.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the
one
hand, if we fully analyze and explain why many individuals
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wish
this
opinion , the first and main reason can be that
parents
work because they want to provide
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
lives of their
children
.
For example
, they studied at a good university and studied different language courses.
In other words
,
parents
want their future
children
to become brilliant.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the other side of the coin, people who
cause
Verb problem
agree
show examples
with
this
point of view that most
children
today lead a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, they spend most of their time on a computer, mobile phone or tablet.
In addition
to
this
,
children
become isolated. In light of
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
facts
Add a comma
facts,
show examples
one
can reach a conclusion that even though
children
need to spend days
wish
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
their
parents
often.
Thus
it is highly recommended
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
children
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study well.
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Clarity & Relevance
Consider focusing your essay more precisely on the question's topics, which are the causes of spending little time with children and its greater impact on parents or children.
Support & Examples
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Both the causes of the issue and its effects on children and parents need clearer examples.
Intro & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the essay question. Summarise your main points and opinion more explicitly at the end.
Structure & Flow
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphing, each focused on a single main idea. Also, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of your essay.
Balanced Argument
You have attempted to cover both sides of the argument, showing an effort to analyze the issue from different perspectives.
Topic Understanding
Your essay shows an understanding of the topic and an attempt to discuss the relevant issues, highlighting the importance of parent-child time.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work demands
  • longer working hours
  • digital technology
  • screen time
  • urbanization
  • commuting times
  • emotional distance
  • parental guidance
  • harmful behaviors
  • guilt
  • stress
  • missed opportunities
  • development
  • emotional well-being
  • social skills
  • family dynamics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: