Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?
In the 21st century, poverty is still prevailing in some
countries
and they are faced with various diseases. Even though,
most of these illnesses are curable, Remove the comma
apply
people
are not able to purchase them. I personally believe that,
medicines should be given at decreased prices by the drug manufacturers Remove the comma
apply
To begin
with, people
should help each other to overcome difficulties and make sure everyone get
the same place Change the verb form
gets
in
the earth. In that aspect, medical industries should not only look at the profits that they gain by selling drugs but Change preposition
on
also
the prosperity of all the people
not restricting
to their customers. Thereby, medicines can be given to poor Change the form of the verb
restricted
countries
that can be affordable to every person. This
shows that humanity is a major factor that need
to be considered in the Change the verb form
needs
health care
sectors.
Correct your spelling
healthcare
Secondly
, there will be an indirect opportunities
when reducing the price of medical items in some Correct the article-noun agreement
an indirect opportunity
indirect opportunities
countries
. For example
, if drug manufacturing companies provide their medicines very cheaply, the
Correct article usage
apply
people
will admire that work and as a result
of
that company will gain more reputation. Change preposition
apply
This
will indirectly increase the selling of companies and a lot of job opportunities will be created within those regions. In that way
health Add a comma
way,
as well as
the development of the individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
lives
can be upgraded.
In conclusion, it has to be agreed that, it is Replace the word
life
a
responsibility of pharmaceutical producers to help the Correct article usage
the
countries
which are beaten by the
poverty. Correct article usage
apply
Subsequently
, this
will be advantageous for the
all the parties that are engaged in Correct article usage
apply
this
great commitment.Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. While your overall argument is clear and well-reasoned, incorporating detailed instances or case studies can make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Although your essay flows well, incorporating a wider range of sentence types could improve its overall impact.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance on the issue and backing it up with reasoned arguments. This is a strong aspect of task response.
coherence cohesion
You've maintained a good logical flow throughout the essay, connecting ideas smoothly which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion