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Writing Samples
Band 7

Most schools in Vietnam, nowadays, put more weight on ”teach to the test” lessons rather than experiential lessons so that students can easily enter their dreaming universities with flying colors. Do you think it is a good trend

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It is happening in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 country like Vietnam that education centres are targeted more on written
study
Use synonyms
 rather than practical resources.They believed that
this
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 could enhance the opportunities for learners to get involved in their desired universities
while
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 getting higher grades to do so.In
this
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 essay , my contention will be
further
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 elaborated. Ostensibly,there are paramount benefits for students to achieve their goals if they are persuading higher education at schools like
this
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.
Firstly
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, learning through test subjects could assist them to improve their bookish knowledge which is considered an imperative way to grow in the future.To explain it, they can easily grab a piece of information through reading on important topics rather than doing a practical search on it because it doesn't
acquire
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require
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 more physical strength.
In addition
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, exam patterns course encourages learners to boost their theoretical understanding of their subjects which could be imperative to completing a course.
However
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,
this
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 trend has a few drawbacks
also
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 if it continues in progress because some sort of experimental activities should be introduced at a certain level in the
study
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.
In particular
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, outdoor learning helps offspring to stay active physically and mentally.To illustrate ,students could face problems like stress and brainstorming if they have only theory sessions in their
study
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 which makes them less concentrate on
study
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 so it could be extremely useful if they have the part-time subjects of experiential labs and other activities. In conclusion, I would like to say that it should be equally effective for learners to have theory or practical skills during their learning because for prestigious universities students need both to fulfil their dreams.

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Clarity & Support
You've presented both sides of the argument effectively. However, offering more specific examples and practical instances to support your ideas could improve clarity and persuasiveness.
Cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, consider transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs. Using phrases like 'On the one hand,' 'On the other hand,' or 'Consequently,' can provide clearer connections between your points.
Language Accuracy
Monitor your grammar and vocabulary usage for small inaccuracies, as refining these can make your argument more precise and impactful.
Balanced View
Your essay nicely addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of the current educational trend, maintaining a balanced perspective.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay—introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion—is well-organized and aids in coherence and clarity.
Effective Conclusion
You have effectively concluded your essay by referring back to the thesis, summarizing the main points and offering a final insight, which strengthens your overall argument.
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