IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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The issue of the charging policy of museums has triggered a round of heated debate.
Although
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 some people claim that the tolls may provoke
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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negative effects on these institutions, I firmly believe that the contributing factors
are
Verb problem
outweigh
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 more
Correct word choice
other
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outweighing
Correct pronoun usage
outweighing them
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.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
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 First and foremost, charging attendees is the most efficient way of gaining funds, which is conducive to easing the financial pressure
of
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on
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 the government. On one hand, from buying new equipment to maintaining facilities, these cultural and educational hubs have a lot of expenses that directors cannot obtain with one source of income.
On the other hand
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, the staff expenses are
also
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 highly dependent on
the
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apply
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government expenditure.
Therefore
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, the fees can subsidize part of the expenditure or even break even and the money saved can be invested in other public areas,
such
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 as education and health care.
Besides
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, the charging policy is beneficial to improving the experience for visitors and boosting their appeal. In the first place, the money collected would guarantee better exhibits through investing in the decorations, the content, or even in the more exciting forms: some modern technologies
such
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 as VR. In the second place, entrance tickets may weed out some casual museum-goers and ensure people care about what they are viewing.
Finally
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, some venues allow certain individuals a discount or a free ticket, enabling patrons to help pay for students and the disadvantaged.
To conclude
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, I am convinced that charging people for admission contributes to raising funds and enriching tourists’ experience.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay, and reinforce your argument in the conclusion for a stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider including more specific examples or data to support your points, enhancing your task achievement score.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a well-organized and logical structure, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your essay.
Supported Main Points
You elaborated your main points with relevant explanations, enhancing the cohesion of your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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