In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?
In modern society,
it is clear that
there are large
number of crimes caused by teenagers. Some people assert that it Change the article
a large
the large
causes
by Wrong verb form
is caused
lack
of supervising Correct article usage
a lack
children
by them
parents Correct pronoun usage
their
due to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
have
to spend Wrong verb form
having
them
time more at a Change the pronoun
their
workplacement
Correct your spelling
workplace
according to
the cost of living, it has skyrocketed. However
, the
others believe that there are Correct article usage
apply
another
reasons that create social problems.
Correct quantifier usage
other
To begin
with, there is no doubt that parents are the mirror their
Change preposition
of their
children
. It is commonly believe
that Change the verb form
is commonly believed
adolecents
who have grown Correct your spelling
adolescents
with
Change preposition
up with
them
grandparents seem more likely to become more polite person than Correct pronoun usage
their
the
others. Normally, they Correct article usage
apply
are retired
already from economic activities, so they can spend their time with Change the verb form
have retired
children
and they can take eriquette
Correct your spelling
etiquette
lesson
from them. Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
Also
, adolescence is a crucial period for establishing their morality and identity. Therefore
, It seems very important for children
to receive appropriate and proper education from adults during this
period.
On the other hand
, some adolescent specialists claim that social media and lack of taking an ethics
subject create small and large social issues. Replace the word
ethical
First,
nowadays, many young students are exposed numerous
stimulating Change preposition
to numerous
contents
from social media. AsFix the agreement mistake
content
,
mobile devices have become Remove the comma
apply
an
one of Change the article
apply
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
lifesytles
, some Correct your spelling
lifestyles
lifestyle
of
students watch Change preposition
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
violence
Replace the word
violent
video
,which abuse street animals made by video creators. Many experts assert that it could affect Fix the agreement mistake
videos
them
awareness of Change the pronoun
their
dignity
of life. Add an article
the dignity
Furthermore
, there is an
one trend that there is Remove the article
apply
an
lack of ethics Change the article
a
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
on
a curriculum. I believe that schools should teach adolescents morality to them become Change preposition
in
a
righteous Correct article usage
apply
adult
, not only give them Fix the agreement mistake
adults
academical
knowledge.
Replace the word
academic
To sum up
, parents spend
less time with Wrong verb form
spending
them
child Correct pronoun usage
their
also
create some social issues, but schools and any
other adults should have Correct determiner usage
all
responsibility
to teach and show Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
children
abundant educations
and useful and healthy videos in order to raise Fix the agreement mistake
education
children
into responsible adults.Submitted by jin960524 on
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Grammar
To enhance the clarity of your essay, consider practicing the structure of sentences and the correct use of articles (a, an, the). This can make your arguments more persuasive and easier to follow.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to include a mix of complex and simple sentences. This diversification will help maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate your language proficiency.
Argumentation
Your essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that encompasses your stance on the topic. A clearly defined thesis helps guide the reader through your argumentation.
Logical Flow
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next by using transitional phrases. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, making your arguments more compelling.
Content Depth
Incorporate direct examples and evidence to support your points. This adds depth to your analysis and helps substantiate your claims, making your argumentation stronger.
Topic Understanding
You successfully introduce a range of ideas relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the subject matter.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your arguments, reinforcing your position on the issue.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example