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Writing Samples
Band 3

The online sales of telephones, laptops and tablets in 2019

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Introduction
The bar chart compares the online
sales
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 of telephones,
laptops
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 and
tablets
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 in 2019.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the online
sales
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 of
smartphones
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 and
tablets
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 increased from
January
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 to March but fluctuated in the
month
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 of April. Laptop
sales
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 figures rose from
January
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 to April and the highest number of
laptops
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sales
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 in the
month
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 of April.
Conclusion
As the bar chart shows,
the
Change to a genitive case
the sales of the laptop
show examples
laptops
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sales
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more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 than
tablets
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 and
smartphones
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.
Use synonyms
Laptops
Change the noun form
Laptop
show examples
sales
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nearly
Add a missing verb
were nearly
show examples
 at 50
million
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units
Use synonyms
 in
January
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.
Tablets
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 32
million
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units
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 and
smartphones
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 20
million
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units
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 in
January
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. In February,
tablets
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 65
million
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units
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,
smartphones
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 45
million
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units
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 and
laptops
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 around 35
million
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units
Use synonyms
. Turning to
Use synonyms
month
Add an article
the month
a month
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 of March,
smartphones
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 and
tablets
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sales
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 the most than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 months.
The
Correct article usage
Smartphones
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smartphones
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 75
million
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units
Use synonyms
 and
tablets
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 65
million
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units
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
month
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
laptops
Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
show examples
sales
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very
Add a missing verb
were very
show examples
 less, around 23
million
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units
Use synonyms
. Regarding to
month
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 of April,
laptops
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 50
million
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units
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,
smartphones
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sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 42
million
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units
Use synonyms
 and
tablets
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Use synonyms
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 25
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence
Ensure consistency in data presentation for clarity.
Structure
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to better frame your analysis.
Language
You effectively used variations in sentence structures.
Content
Your detailed comparison of sales across different months provides a comprehensive analysis.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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