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The online sales of telephones, laptops and tablets in 2019

#sales #telephones #laptops #tablets
The bar chart compares the online
sales
 of telephones,
laptops
 and
tablets
 in 2019.
Overall
,
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the online
sales
 of
smartphones
 and
tablets
 increased from
January
 to March but fluctuated in the
month
 of April. Laptop
sales
 figures rose from
January
 to April and the highest number of
laptops
sales
 in the
month
 of April. As the bar chart shows,
the
Change to a genitive case
the sales of the laptop
show examples
laptops
sales
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 than
tablets
 and
smartphones
.
Laptops
Change the noun form
Laptop
show examples
sales
nearly
Add a missing verb
were nearly
show examples
 at 50
million
units
 in
January
.
Tablets
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 32
million
units
 and
smartphones
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 20
million
units
 in
January
. In February,
tablets
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 65
million
units
,
smartphones
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 45
million
units
 and
laptops
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 around 35
million
units
. Turning to
month
Add an article
the month
a month
show examples
 of March,
smartphones
 and
tablets
sales
 the most than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 months.
The
Correct article usage
Smartphones
show examples
smartphones
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 75
million
units
 and
tablets
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 65
million
units
.
This
month
laptops
Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
show examples
sales
very
Add a missing verb
were very
show examples
 less, around 23
million
units
. Regarding to
month
 of April,
laptops
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 50
million
units
,
smartphones
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 42
million
units
 and
tablets
sales
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 25
million
units
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence
Ensure consistency in data presentation for clarity.
Structure
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to better frame your analysis.
Language
You effectively used variations in sentence structures.
Content
Your detailed comparison of sales across different months provides a comprehensive analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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