IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart illustrates the differences in people's coffee and tea purchasing and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The bar chart illustrates the differences in people's coffee and tea purchasing and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
City residents' habits in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart were similar. In the three
cities
Use synonyms
, most people liked going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, taking up over 60%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the least popular in the three
cities
Use synonyms
, particularly in Hobart, where less than 40% of citizens bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it was noticeable that the gap between buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea was wide, all over one in ten.
However
Linking Words
, in Brisbane and Adelaide, the above distinction in Brisbane and Adelaide was much less, below 5%.
Besides
Linking Words
, the percentage of individuals consuming fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month in the two
cities
Use synonyms
 was almost equal, at just under 35%, significantly smaller than the other two percentages of people buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and going to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in all five
cities
Use synonyms
, the least proportion of residents purchased fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the previous month.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, coffee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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