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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016
#line #patients #four #clinics
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Contained in the line graph is information pertaining to the different
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 of
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting various clinics of a hospital
in
Change preposition
at
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weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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 over 6 years, starting from 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that all figures have an upward trend,
expect
Correct your spelling
except
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 Birth control.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
eye
Change to a plural noun
eyes
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 was the highest
while
Linking Words
 Diabetic was the lowest point in
this
Linking Words
 picture. Looking at the
number
Use synonyms
 of
illness
Replace the word
ill
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citizens
Use synonyms
 who went
to
Change preposition
apply
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Birth control
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started at around 20 in 2010
then
Linking Words
 reached the top of 270
illness
Replace the word
ill
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 people between 2010 and 2014 after
went
Wrong verb form
going
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 down
at
Change preposition
in
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 the final period
with
Change preposition
to
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 240
patients
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the clinics of
eye
Add an article
the eye
an eye
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 in a hospital was
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 slowly to 10
illness
Replace the word
ill
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citizens
Use synonyms
 in 2012 and reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
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 peak in 2016 with 30 sick individuals,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph. Moving on to the
number
Use synonyms
 of
citizens
Use synonyms
 who
went to
Verb problem
were
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 Diabetic in 2010 was 100
then
Linking Words
 it decreased in 2012
with
Change preposition
to
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 nearly 50 but it climbed up to 130
patients
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
citizens
Use synonyms
ho
Correct your spelling
who
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 went up
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 100
patients
Use synonyms
 between 2014 and 2016
then
Linking Words
 reached
at
Change preposition
apply
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140
patients
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the graph.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, citizens with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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