IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016
#line #patients #four #clinics
Contained in the line graph is information pertaining to the different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of
patients
 visiting various clinics of a hospital
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 over 6 years, starting from 2010.
Overall
, it can be observed that all figures have an upward trend,
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
 Birth control.
Moreover
, the
number
 of
eye
Change to a plural noun
eyes
show examples
 was the highest
while
 Diabetic was the lowest point in
this
 picture. Looking at the
number
 of
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
citizens
 who went
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Birth control
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started at around 20 in 2010
then
 reached the top of 270
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 people between 2010 and 2014 after
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 down
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the final period
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 240
patients
.
In addition
, the clinics of
eye
Add an article
the eye
an eye
show examples
 in a hospital was
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 slowly to 10
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
citizens
 in 2012 and reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 peak in 2016 with 30 sick individuals,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was the highest
number
 in
this
 graph. Moving on to the
number
 of
citizens
 who
went to
Verb problem
were
show examples
 Diabetic in 2010 was 100
then
 it decreased in 2012
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nearly 50 but it climbed up to 130
patients
 in 2016.
Furthermore
, the
number
 of
citizens
ho
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
 went up
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 100
patients
 between 2014 and 2016
then
 reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
140
patients
at the end
 of the graph.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, citizens with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: