IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other.Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
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In the modern decades, many
people
 believe that
people
 are more rely on
others
while
others
 think that they live in a place which is autonomous. In
this
 essay,
this
 writer will discuss both views and think that they depend on
others
 rather than become independent. It must be recognized that depending on
others
 is a common activity nowadays because of the hard things. In other words, they couldn’t do some activities without helping because that action might need a quantities number of
people
 to
work
 at the same time to deal with the problems. Take some working activities with a group as an example,
people
 are working in the same group which support each other with a teamwork plan and make the
work
 become easier and faster than it used to be. Not only that depending on the
others
 could help them learn lots of things from the
work
 which they have not known before.
This
 will help them earn knowledge about their
work
 and help them
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do it on their own in some situations.
For instance
, looking
others'
Change preposition
at others'
show examples
 actions
while
 working could help them know what to do and lead
themto
Correct your spelling
them to
them
 away to complete.
On the other hand
, many
people
 think that independence is becoming more popular these days. Some individuals recognized that they could achieve lots of skills
while
 depending on themselves because they could learn from experience.
For example
,
people
 who
work
 on their
owns
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
 could able to struggle with problems and have a plan to deal with them in some cases. In conclusion, it must be seen that
people
 in the
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 depend on
others
 because they cannot do it by themselves and they
also
 learn from
others
. But
people
 who live independently could tackle their own problems.
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coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to better articulate your points.
task achievement
Including specific examples to support your main points can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your arguments by clearly distinguishing between the two views before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively included an introduction and a conclusion that bookends your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear discussion of both views as required by the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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