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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
Recent readers indicate that modern communities more rely on others. Meanwhile, others believe that the residents live independently nowadays.
This
 writer completely agrees with the statement that complex life makes people become more separated from each other and will discuss both standpoints in the following essay.
Firstly
, there are two main reasons why some families consider today’s society a more dependent one. Evidently, life seems to be more difficult with inflation getting quicker and air living costs
also
 getting higher.
For instance
, house prices have increased dramatically in recent years, so without the help of their parents, young people will find it impossible to buy their own houses.
Moreover
, the community is more ambitious, many parents spend most of their time doing for a living so they sometimes end up letting grandparents or babysitters look after their children. For those who think that individuals are more independent these days, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that they cannot count on their fresh blood as much as they used to. Teenagers
also
 have more freedom and opportunities to explore the world. In conclusion, it seems that career work makes the inhabitants depend on someone.
Hence
, in the long term, the capacity to tackle problems by oneself would promote them to be independent.

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task response
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, but it could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to thoroughly support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but there should be smoother transitions between the ideas. This will enhance the flow of the essay.
task response
Ensure that each of your main points is fully developed with ample evidence and explanations to increase the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on the conclusion to make it more definitive and reflective of the discussion in the essay. Summarize the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for the overall structure.
task response
Both perspectives are addressed, and your opinion is clearly stated, which is crucial for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
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