IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefit individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that students may pay the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 for their own learning than society
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because the education’s
university
Use synonyms
 have more benefits for students. In my perspective, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will explain in the following essay. It is vital to understand that studying at
university
Use synonyms
 will
gain
Verb problem
give
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 more
benefit
Change the noun form
benefits
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 things.
This
Linking Words
 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 the
university
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can learn more lesson depth about the field and can concentrate on the job they chose.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, studying at
university
Use synonyms
 can have more
changes
Correct your spelling
chances
show examples
 to try different jobs in many fields.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when individuals finish the process of
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 they can get a certification
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
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. Thanks to that certification
people
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 easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 or have more opportunities to apply
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 company after
leave
Change the verb form
leaving
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 there.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the database,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, who have a certification, have more
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to apply successfully than
people
Use synonyms
 who
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not a degree. Another point to consider is that paying
money
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 for study can help
people
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 get more knowledge and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
university
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, many
people
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 can work in a big company or business
of
Change preposition
in
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 other countries with a high salary.
Additionally
Linking Words
, investing
money
Use synonyms
 in society
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a good idea. But it
also
Linking Words
goes
Verb problem
comes
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 with many
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
show examples
 in many problems. If they do not know how to use
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
money
Use synonyms
, they can be
fool
Wrong verb form
fooled
show examples
 by the other ones. For there, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on society
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not
safety
Replace the word
as safe
show examples
 as many
people
Use synonyms
 always think. In conclusion, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good way to lead to
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
. But
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have noticed how to use
money
Use synonyms
responsible
Change the word
responsibly
show examples
 to improve themselves.

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development of ideas
Consider developing your ideas more thoroughly by providing more in-depth examples and explanations that directly support your main argument. This will help to fully address the prompt and enhance the clarity of your position.
sentence structure
Work on varying your sentence structure to improve the flow of your essay. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
grammar and spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammar to maintain the professionalism and readability of your essay. Common errors can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your message.
structure
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in organising your thoughts and presenting them logically.
use of examples
You've effectively used examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of how specific details can strengthen an argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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