Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefit individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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said
Wrong verb form
say
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that students may pay the amount of
money
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for their own learning than society
,
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apply
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because the education’s
university
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have more benefits for students. In my perspective, I agree with
this
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statement and will explain in the following essay. It is vital to understand that studying at
university
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will
gain
Verb problem
give
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more
benefit
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benefits
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things.
This
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is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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the
university
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,
people
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can learn more lesson depth about the field and can concentrate on the job they chose.
Besides
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that, studying at
university
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can have more
changes
Correct your spelling
chances
show examples
to try different jobs in many fields.
Moreover
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, when individuals finish the process of
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
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lesson
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lessons
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they can get a certification
of
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from
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
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. Thanks to that certification
people
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easily
to
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apply
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get
job
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jobs
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or have more opportunities to apply
the
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to the
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company after
leave
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leaving
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there.
For example
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,
according to
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the database,
person
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people
show examples
, who have a certification, have more
percent
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per cent
show examples
to apply successfully than
people
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who
have
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do have
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not a degree. Another point to consider is that paying
money
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for study can help
people
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get more knowledge and
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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.
Furthermore
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, after
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
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university
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, many
people
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can work in a big company or business
of
Change preposition
in
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other countries with a high salary.
Additionally
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, investing
money
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in society
are
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is
show examples
also
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a good idea. But it
also
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goes
Verb problem
comes
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with many
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
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in many problems. If they do not know how to use
right
Correct article usage
the right
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money
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, they can be
fool
Wrong verb form
fooled
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by the other ones. For there, spending
money
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on society
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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not
safety
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as safe
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as many
people
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always think. In conclusion, spending
money
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on
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
is
the
Correct article usage
a
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good way to lead to
succeed
Replace the word
success
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. But
people
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also
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have noticed how to use
money
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responsible
Change the word
responsibly
show examples
to improve themselves.
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development of ideas
Consider developing your ideas more thoroughly by providing more in-depth examples and explanations that directly support your main argument. This will help to fully address the prompt and enhance the clarity of your position.
sentence structure
Work on varying your sentence structure to improve the flow of your essay. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
grammar and spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammar to maintain the professionalism and readability of your essay. Common errors can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your message.
structure
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in organising your thoughts and presenting them logically.
use of examples
You've effectively used examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of how specific details can strengthen an argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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