IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
Currently, some companies announce considerably their
products
 that are new wave in the market.The writer of
this
 essay believes that if these
products
 are unique, the businesses can attract more individuals to purchase,
moreover
,
this
 trend can
also
 be an optimistic development
due to
 economic growth. One of the core reasons for the emphasis on new
products
 is the appeal of something which is new for the consumers.To explain
further
, many manufacturing businesses always desire to search out the yields which have never emerged in the marketplace before,
further
 , the consumer is interested in impressive new
products
.
For example
, Mark Zuckerberg created a chip which allows the operating systems of iPhones to use the best performance
while
 another chip from another brand can be the same , so many technophiles have bought rapidly these
products
 of iPhones
due to
 their effective working
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 What is more, these announcements are
also
 one of the crucial factors in developing the
economy
 of countries.
In other words
, the buyers are more enthusiastic towards the
products
 if it is strange,
subsequently
, the businesses can make a big buck for that leading to an increase in the
economy
.
As a result
, a good announcement for newly surprising
products
products
 can even aid the
economy
 to grow efficiently. In conclusion, the reason for emphasising the new
products
 is
due to
 the attraction to many consumers,
however
,
this
 effect is
also
 positive because of the development of the
economy
 .
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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly. While general examples are given, more detailed instances could enhance the argument's persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to improve clarity and readability. Ensuring sentences are correctly structured will aid in delivering your message more clearly.
General
Revise your essay for minor grammatical inaccuracies and typographical errors to enhance overall clarity and professionalism.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, presenting arguments for why businesses emphasize new products and its potential positive impact on economic growth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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