Some people think that in the modern society, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People
have argued about how human life is in the modern days
. A group of people
believe that human beings have become more independent these days
, but others think that humans are more dependent on their kind. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but in my personal view, I believe that people
have become more independent nowadays.
Several people
believe that mankind has become more dependent on each other these days
. Due to
the
globalisation, the cost of living in many countries has increased significantly in the past recent years which Correct article usage
apply
enforce
both husband and wife to work hard, to fulfil their family's expenditures. Verb problem
forces
As a result
, many families are relying
on their parents or babysitters Wrong verb form
rely
in taking
care of their children.
Change preposition
to take
On the other hand
, some people
think that humans are more independent these days
. Firstly
, due to
the rapid development of the medical world, the average life expectancy of the human being has positively improved. As the
senior Correct article usage
apply
people
are healthier these days
, it means that they are less dependent on their sibling or their children. Secondly
, with the existence of electronic household devices, such
as washing and drying machine
and microwave Fix the agreement mistake
machines
oven
, mankind Fix the agreement mistake
ovens
are
less dependent on housekeepers. They could Change the verb form
is
just
easily place their dirty clothes in the washing machine or just place the frozen food in the oven, and it will be ready in an instant.
In conclusion, many Rephrase
apply
people
think that human beings are more independent these days
, but others disagree with the
statement. In my point of view, mankind is less reliable to others nowadays, since the world has improved in many ways, Correct determiner usage
this
such
as in the medical field and in information technology.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Structure
Continue to maintain a clear structure in your essays, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Develop your paragraphs with specific examples to support your points. This strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.
Language
Consider introducing more complex structures and a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Task Response
You have effectively discussed both views and provided a clear personal stance, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas, contributing to high coherence and cohesion.
Examples
Use of relevant examples to support your points helps to make your arguments more compelling.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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