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Band 7

Today, many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their life, but few of them can achieve it. What are the problems in trying it? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #life #measures
In the present day, a lot of
people
 are trying to achieve
work
-life balance but not many are able to succeed.
This
 has impacted familial institutes and caused one to become an overly stressed breadwinner. The government can help ease the situation by restricting working
hours
. When
people
 want success in careers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
 try to strive for a good life outside of
work
, most of the
time
, the family ends up having to sacrifice a lot.
For example
,
due to
work
 calls, many fathers miss going to their children's school play, soccer matches and even birthday parties.
This
 eventually will upset especially the small children who can never understand why
work
 matters more compared to them, become rebellious and change the dynamic of the families, as they do not respect the father anymore.
In addition
,
this
 will cause over-stress on the head of the family, who has to deal with both family and bosses. They cannot deny
work
 calls from the higher-ups, are afraid of getting let off, and they might disappoint their family and friends. I believe the labour union or the states should step up and set a minimum of working
hours
 per week. More
work
 done beyond the working
hours
 should be counted as overtime and be paid extras, and there should be a limit on overtime as well. More
time
 and can be spent at home, with families and reunion with friends.
For instance
, Australia has set minimum working
hours
 per week, depending on sectors so their citizens can enjoy a
work
-life balance. In conclusion, many
people
 want to enjoy life and achieve success at
work
, causing one family to become dysfunctional and have
astressful
Correct your spelling
a stressful
stressful
 life.
However
, the government can help regulate working
time
 and help
people
 enjoy
time
 with families.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding more diverse and complex sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to explore a wider range of problems and solutions, giving equal emphasis to both aspects.
general
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task achievement
You've shown a good understanding of the essay topic, providing relevant examples and suggesting practical solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your discussion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 24/7 work culture
  • societal pressure
  • overworking
  • neglecting
  • supportive workplace policies
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • promoting a culture
  • mental health days
  • expectation of being available
  • collaborate
  • regulations
  • prioritize
  • well-being
  • clear boundaries
  • time management skills
  • unwind
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