IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their life, but few of them can achieve it. What are the problems in trying it? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?

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In the present day, a lot of
people
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 are trying to achieve
work
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-life balance but not many are able to succeed.
This
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 has impacted familial institutes and caused one to become an overly stressed breadwinner. The government can help ease the situation by restricting working
hours
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. When
people
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 want success in careers
,
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apply
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 and
also
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 try to strive for a good life outside of
work
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, most of the
time
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, the family ends up having to sacrifice a lot.
For example
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,
due to
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work
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 calls, many fathers miss going to their children's school play, soccer matches and even birthday parties.
This
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 eventually will upset especially the small children who can never understand why
work
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 matters more compared to them, become rebellious and change the dynamic of the families, as they do not respect the father anymore.
In addition
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,
this
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 will cause over-stress on the head of the family, who has to deal with both family and bosses. They cannot deny
work
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 calls from the higher-ups, are afraid of getting let off, and they might disappoint their family and friends. I believe the labour union or the states should step up and set a minimum of working
hours
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 per week. More
work
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 done beyond the working
hours
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 should be counted as overtime and be paid extras, and there should be a limit on overtime as well. More
time
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 and can be spent at home, with families and reunion with friends.
For instance
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, Australia has set minimum working
hours
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 per week, depending on sectors so their citizens can enjoy a
work
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-life balance. In conclusion, many
people
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 want to enjoy life and achieve success at
work
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, causing one family to become dysfunctional and have
astressful
Correct your spelling
a stressful
stressful
 life.
However
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, the government can help regulate working
time
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 and help
people
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 enjoy
time
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 with families.

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding more diverse and complex sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to explore a wider range of problems and solutions, giving equal emphasis to both aspects.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to avoid minor typographical errors which, while they don’t significantly impact your grade, can distract from the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You've shown a good understanding of the essay topic, providing relevant examples and suggesting practical solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 24/7 work culture
  • societal pressure
  • overworking
  • neglecting
  • supportive workplace policies
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • promoting a culture
  • mental health days
  • expectation of being available
  • collaborate
  • regulations
  • prioritize
  • well-being
  • clear boundaries
  • time management skills
  • unwind
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