Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that It should be
change
Wrong verb form
changed
the
old building to Change preposition
from the
the
modern building to save the Correct article usage
a
money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
for
protecting and Change preposition
on
repairing
. From my point of view, I agree with Correct pronoun usage
repairing it
this
idea for many reasons,described in the following paragraph.
To begin
with, I strongly agree to change
the old building to Change preposition
with changing
modern
building. Correct article usage
a modern
New
modern building is the new style for people in Add an article
The new
new
gen. In Correct article usage
the new
this
house can allow
the technology to help in Verb problem
be
home
Correct article usage
the home
uch
as Correct your spelling
such
smart
home Add an article
a smart
the smart
for
help Change preposition
to
the
open and close the light or air conditioner Correct article usage
apply
this
can Correct pronoun usage
which
control
by smart phone. To control facilities in smart Wrong verb form
be controlled
home
can Fix the agreement mistake
homes
chexk
the pain point of Correct your spelling
check
the
modern accommodation Correct article usage
apply
for
fix or protect when have Change preposition
to
the
problem. Correct article usage
a
Moreover
, the stucture
of modern Correct your spelling
structure
building
give Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
the
Correct article usage
a
strongly
structure with the new technology materials and the materials that Change the adverb
strong
used
to build the old building Add a missing verb
are used
has
limited time Correct subject-verb agreement
have
for
give Change preposition
to
the
strong structure.
Correct article usage
a
Additionally
, modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
building
can Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
saving
Change the verb form
save
be saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
in
daily life. Change preposition
on
For example
, the owner does not need to spend the money
for repair in the pain thing. And then
, modern house
in present can install the Fix the agreement mistake
houses
solarcell
Correct your spelling
solar cell
solar-cell
for
change Change preposition
to
the
solar energy to electric energy for Correct article usage
apply
consume
in the afternoon and keep the energy for Replace the word
consumption
consume
after Replace the word
consumption
light
from the sun is off at night. Correct article usage
the light
Thus
, it may cheaper
Add a missing verb
be cheaper
for spending
the Change preposition
to spend
money
to
Change preposition
on
government
than Add an article
the government
the
old building.
In conclusion, I personally agree with Change preposition
on the
this
viewpoint because it seems to me that benefits
of modern Correct article usage
the benefits
building
outweigh the drawbacks.Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, it's important to provide a more balanced view on the topic. While you've made your position clear, considering counterarguments or acknowledging the importance of old buildings could enrich your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more effectively by using clear paragraphing and linking words. This will help in creating a smoother flow of ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
Language
Using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can help to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language skills more effectively. Aim to diversify your language use in your next essay.
Task Achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion and provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which is good for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, which helps in structuring your essay and making your viewpoint clear to the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example