IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advatanges of having an ageing population outweigh the disavantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Expectancy of life has increased dramatically during the
last
Linking Words
 decades
as well as
Linking Words
 there are more prevalent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chronic diseases.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many scientists argue that longevity has more drawbacks,
however
Linking Words
, many others believe that
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population represents wisdom. From my perspective, I
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
considered
 that demerits outweigh merits, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I explain in detail my reasons. To start with,
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 is a natural process that every human has to face, it is not only about
wrinckles
Correct your spelling
wrinkles
 or the deterioration of some physical attributes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 about biological mechanisms because body cells are under chronic stress and their
intrisic
Correct your spelling
intrinsic
 capacity of survival decreases.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 functionality falls gradually until simple tasks have to be supported by relatives or care workers.
For example
Linking Words
, dementia, which
is exemplify
Change the verb form
is exemplified
show examples
 by
Alzhimer
Correct your spelling
Alzheimer
 disease or frontotemporal dementia, has reached
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 acme during the
last
Linking Words
 century.
Besides
Linking Words
, nowadays chronic illnesses, namely primary hypertension, diabetes, and chronic renal disease, have shown more
debastating
Correct your spelling
devastating
 consequences by affecting seriously the quality of life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, polices
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 retirement are highly recognized worldwide,
however
Linking Words
, they rely on the financial
requiriments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 that should be completed by
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are economically active. During the
last
Linking Words
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing,
however
Linking Words
,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of natality has decreased steadily.
As a consequence
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, in the near future, the economic field might collapse
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of resources to supply pensioners.
For example
Linking Words
, in Colombia, the system
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 not
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
paid
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers since approximately 10 years ago,
then
Linking Words
 most elder
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not receiving their payments, and there are not enough vacancies
for employing
Change preposition
to employ
show examples
 them.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are more disadvantages than benefits related to longer lives and ancient
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, social, political, cultural, and
gubernmental
Correct your spelling
governmental
 issues should be taken into account.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument more evenly, especially if the prompt asks for a comparison of advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence, such as besides, furthermore, in contrast, etc.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'considere' instead of 'consider' and 'polices' instead of 'policies'. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly present your main argument.
logical structure
You have structured your essay logically, with distinct paragraphs each addressing a specific aspect of the topic.
complete response
You effectively use specific examples to support your arguments, which aids task achievement.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: