IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, develop countries should give other types of help to poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
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help
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helping
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 weaker territories with their economic troubles. It is believed that rather than aiding by providing payments, they have an opportunity to cater to other support for taking them to a better position. I completely agree with the
last
 statement. On the one hand, nowadays numerous states do not have enough money suffering a lot of problems. It is undeniable that financial aid can provide immediate relief in times of crisis, like natural disasters and health emergencies. It can help save lives and mitigate suffering.
For instance
, in these regions, they can have a lack of quality medicine and
due to
this
 even a simple flu can lead to death. To solve
this
 issue richer countries may aid poorer ones.
However
, financial assistance is not the best option.
Firstly
,
this
 assistance by money has a chance to fall into the wrong hands. It is possible that currency will be put into the pockets of corrupt officials.
Secondly
, the help can be used for other purposes.
Instead
 of various useful projects for the development of the economy,
this
 payment may be used to promote terrorism.
In addition
, the financial backing cannot go to priority projects. To illustrate it, region X has awful health care. In lieu of improving
this
 area, the government invests money in road construction etc.. Eventually, residents will get lazy and will not work relying only on the support of more developed states. The best way to help poor lands is by opening good education institutions, and good health centres and creating job opportunities for citizens of weak regions. If they start earning well, their level of life will definitely become richer. To put it in a nutshell, I strongly agree that aiding budgets for places facing economic difficulties is greatly essential.
On the contrary
, rich states should provide practical help to improve the economic situation of developing territories.
Submitted by Tlembekova09 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and generally maintains it throughout. However, there are instances where your ideas could be expanded upon for greater clarity. For example, further details on how educational institutions and job opportunities specifically help alleviate poverty would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one. For example, you could use more transitional phrases to connect your ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main idea rather than introducing multiple points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting your standpoint and summarizing your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a logical structure, which helps in clearly conveying your arguments.
task achievement
You address both sides of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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