IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives #change
Most
people
 dislike the
changes
 that are happening either in their community or in their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 them to stay the same.
Firstly
this
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the mindset of
people
 who want their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 to stay the same. Followed by that it will discuss why the
change
 should be
consided
Correct your spelling
considered
 as positive. The majority of
people
 don't like the modifications that are happening in their
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 or
life
. The main reason behind
this
 is they get used to it and
frightened
Add a missing verb
are frightened
show examples
 to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 to those
changes
. They consider the
change
 as one of the distractions in their routine. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
 scenario
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 my neighbour who lives
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the second floor
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
appartment
Correct your spelling
apartment
. He loves to go walking every morning in the park which is beside our flat. Recently,
people
 in our community
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 requested to build a gym in the place where the park is held.
This
 action tremendously
distrubed
Correct your spelling
disturbed
 him and he argued to have that park as his walking place.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the whole community is against him, he
haven't
Change the verb form
hasn't
show examples
 changed his decision. After discussing with him we came to know that he is considering it as a drastic
change
 in his
life
 and don't want that
change
 to be happened.
People
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society should consider the
change
 as
Correct article usage
the begining
show examples
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of their new
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. The
changes
 are common in everyone's
life
 but they should learn how to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 to those
changes
. The intervention of new things will make a person even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger. The best example
for
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of
show examples
this
 scenario is myself. I have been in India with my parents for almost
tweenty
Correct your spelling
twenty
 two years. But after my marriage, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moved to the United Kingdom with my husband. I
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 a huge culture
change
 and everything around me was changed including my work.
Although
 everything around me was not the same, I have
approched
Correct your spelling
approached
this
 in a positive direction. And now I feel like living in my own home country. In conclusion,
changes
 are common in everyone's
life
,
people
 should learn how to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 themselves to those
changes
.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on why change can be positive with more varied arguments and elaborate on the benefits for society as a whole.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Transition words and phrases can help to guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
Task Achievement
When providing examples, try to link them back to the larger argument more explicitly. This not only strengthens your examples but also adds depth to your essay.
Language
Consider revising sentences for clearer expression. Aim for accuracy in grammar and vocabulary to clearly convey your ideas and arguments.
Task Achievement
Effective use of personal examples to support arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
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