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Band 1

There’s the need to give more strict punishments to those who violate road safety rules. Agree or disagree.

#there’s #punishments #road #safety #rules
As a result
 of increasing road accidents,
along with
 considerable raising in death levels around the world.
Consequently
, the regulations should be tough to punish the impetuous drivers . I totally agree with, assisting in resolving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all problems associated with traffic accidents
due to
 a lack of commitment to road safety
rules
.
In addition
, reducing the number of
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 among citizens. In my opinion, governments must encourage drivers to be more coherent with regulations.
Although
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 presence of
rules
 improves
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 inside cities.
Furthermore
,people must be aware of the catastrophic results of nonadherence to the
rules
.
Therefore
, neglecting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
rules
 can be dangerous to people.
Finally
, community safety is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility of all members of these communities .
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
rules
 have been established to eradicate unacceptable behaviours .
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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Structure
Your essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Try to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. This will improve the logical flow of your argument.
Support
To strengthen your essay, include specific examples and reasons to support your argument. This adds depth to your writing and makes your points more compelling.
Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should briefly present your stance on the topic, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
Language
Work on varying your sentence structures and use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Stance
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
Relevance
You make an effort to discuss relevant issues related to the topic, demonstrating engagement with the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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