IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in many countues , a small numbe of people earn extremly high salaries . Some people belive that this is good for the country , but others think that goverment should not allo salaries above a certain level

#countues #numbe #people #salaries #belive #country #goverment #allo #level
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Only a few per cent of employees' salaries are higher in many states.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it will be motivation for low statistic residents, they would be frustrated with some financial dependence . One of the most essential advantages of difference is that it will be able to motivate men with low income to earn as much as others . The poor part of inhabitants will envy the wealthy by taking into account their financial independence
as well as
the
Change the word
their
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 level of affluence. If low statistics frustrate with odds in the salary, it
also
 might be able to demotivate them.
Moreover
, they will face financial difficulties , insecurity and
discrimination
 in relation to themselves, like not being able to buy costly items
while
 the others can.
For example
 , my cousins
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
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 to a low statistical residence
while
 I do not. If we have meetings, I can notice a quite strange relationship with myself . Afterwards, she told me about the purpose
in
Change preposition
of
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 her life
such
 as buying a car,
accommodation
Correct word choice
and accommodation
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. So I realized that she wishes to be like me
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the contrast in financial abilities will grow up
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of purpose, a poor man's ego' will be damaged.
On the other hand
 , if there is paid
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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similar salaries for everyone, we will be able to reduce
discrimination
 between the two sides.
In addition
 to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 limited
salaries
Add a comma
salaries,
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 everyone will have equal influence and conditions to live in. If societies are paid equally, they will take it as a habit , to stay in their comfort zone.
As a result
, we will not have any revolution, since there will not be reasons to be purposeful. It can be taken USSR where for two decades there used to be a fixed amount of cash for all regions .
Due to
 there being no
discrimination
, locals' life conditions lead to benefits.
Furthermore
, if the government involves limits it has
such
 consequences as
discrimination
 reduction and
such
 cons as stopping growth. By taking both sides into account, I believe that it would be better if there were differences in income of all individuals that provides a revolution.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction Development
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Supporting Examples
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. This helps to make your argument more persuasive and compelling.
Conclusion Development
Ensure to include a conclusion that summarises your main arguments and restates your position. This gives your essay a strong finish.
Sentence Structure
Work on sentence structures to improve clarity. Some sentences may be difficult to understand due to complex construction or minor errors.
Punctuation
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Clear Stance
Your essay offers a clear stance on the topic, contributing to a coherent argument throughout.
Logical Flow
You have a logical flow of ideas, which aids in the coherence of your essay.
Use of Examples
The effort to include examples, even if they are not fully developed, adds value to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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