IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do u agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #choices
In
this
 modern era,
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
mankind is
fulled
Replace the word
full
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 numerous options.
This
 fact is inevitable. I Partially agree with
this
 statement and uphold my thoughts with appropriate examples in upcoming paragraphs. There are myriad benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having more choices as much as possible. The first and foremost reason is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 will not aid
to create
Change preposition
in creating
show examples
monopoly
Add an article
a monopoly
show examples
 in the market. By
this
 what I mean is,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 a Person in the market is the only one who has the product,
hence
 it will create
monopoly
Add an article
a monopoly
show examples
 for not only that person but the Product too.
For instance
,
Store
Correct article usage
a Store
show examples
 named 'A'
is selling
Wrong verb form
sells
show examples
 FMCG Products in town and It is the one and only Shop, so
he
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is able to make
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
 demand and Charge high prices for it. The Situation has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 direct negative effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 customer Pocket, which can
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
 by having more options. Another factor which
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 me
to advocates
Change preposition
in advocating
show examples
 my thinking is
Correct article usage
the benefical
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 offer provided by many businesses to enhance Sales. To illustrate
this
, numerous businesses are giving high discounts on Products to
attracts
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
 the customer to purchase from them
instead
 of their competitors.
However
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having lots of choices
make
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not only difficult but
also
 confusing.
task
Add an article
the task
show examples
 for customers to select the store to
Purchase
Fix capitalization
purchase
show examples
 goods,
For example
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 Shop
as well as
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of Clothes
make
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 Confusion in the mind of
buyer
Add an article
the buyer
a buyer
show examples
.
To sum up
, in some cases, choices create Certain
probleme
Correct your spelling
problems
 in
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 of
client
Add an article
the client
show examples
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 many options have more benefits and positive
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 for
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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General
Aim to maintain consistent and appropriate formal writing style throughout your essay.
Grammar
Check for spelling and grammar accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Coherence
Enhance the coherence of your essay by ensuring each paragraph clearly supports your argument with specific examples.
Vocabulary
Try to avoid repetitiveness in your word choice to make your essay more engaging and dynamic.
Task Response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
Supporting Points
Use of examples to support your points helps illustrate your arguments effectively.
Structure
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helps the reader follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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