IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, government should focus more on reducing enviromental pollution and housing problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #government #focus #pollution
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The government should give more attention to
shorten
Wrong verb form
shortening
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enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
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 and housing
problems
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 in order to reduce
illness
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 and
diseases
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I accept that
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
problems
Use synonyms
 might be
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
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 for many health
problems
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, I believe that the
governments
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 have to focus on hospitals and clinic services. The Earth has faced a variety of natural issues
such
Linking Words
 as
water
Use synonyms
 and air
pollution
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, acid rain, climate change, global warming and others
due to
Linking Words
humans
Change the noun form
human
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 activities, industrial waste, burning forests and so on.
As a result
Linking Words
, people are forced to deal with health
problems
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 and reduce
illness
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. Because
,
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apply
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 air and
water
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pollution
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 could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause some dangerous epidemics and
diseases
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in 1990, the most pressing problem
of
Change preposition
in
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 India was
water
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pollution
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. The main reason was that almost 40 million litres of wastewater was poured
rivers
Change preposition
into rivers
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 and other
water
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 sources.
Consequently
Linking Words
, nearly 25 million Indians suffered from waterborne
diseases
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 like
choleria
Correct your spelling
cholera
choleric
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the countries should prevent
illness
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 by reducing
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people should be more responsible for nature rather than
governments
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. The
governments
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 have to pay more attention to clinic services. Some hospitals which are located in small cities, remote villages and even some countries could not offer special services.
Thus
Linking Words
, many cases of
diseases
Use synonyms
 are being experienced in
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of places.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2020, a large number of people died in the world because of Coronavirus and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of enough experts, medicines and technologies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
governments
Use synonyms
 must provide the hospitals with special items and tools. In
conculation
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, if the
governments
Use synonyms
 focus on improving the quality of medical
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
,
illness
Use synonyms
 and
diseases
Use synonyms
 will be reduced.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in your introduction to make your position clear from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
You have utilized relevant examples to support your points, like the water pollution issue in India and the challenges faced during the Coronavirus pandemic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Public health
  • Respiratory diseases
  • Cardiovascular conditions
  • Infectious diseases
  • Mental health problems
  • Government intervention
  • Industrial emissions
  • Clean energy sources
  • Public housing policies
  • Safe and affordable housing
  • Environmental hazards
  • Green public spaces
  • Community well-being
  • Physical inactivity
What to do next:
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