Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
many believe that
children
should
study
all
subjects
at
school
, others argue that they should only
study
subjects
they perform well
or
Change preposition
in or
show examples
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
of view and
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
why I agree with the former statement will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may
seems
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seem
show examples
sensible for some to believe that learning all
subjects
in
school
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
the
children
to
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
several academic
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
at a young age.
This
is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
because they are in
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
of exploring and finding identity
inwhich
Correct your spelling
in which
these basic knowledge
Change the determiner
this basic knowledge
show examples
can help them to develop for the
advance
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advanced
show examples
idea in the future.
For example
, some students may apply both science and language into one amazing invention which they can enjoy. Many of the
opponent
Change to a plural noun
opponents
show examples
might disagree with the mentioned
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
since they believe that not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
matter in the future unless you work in that field.
Hence
, in
this
respect, it
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
for the
children
to only
study
things they performed well at
school
or things they find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interesting as they can enhance
children
's confidence and help them to focus on one
skills
Change to a singular noun
skill
show examples
with a passion-drive.
Moreover
, not every
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child is
show examples
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
in several fields
such
as
linguistic
Replace the word
linguistics
show examples
, science, or physical talent.
For instance
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
may perform well academically in sciences rather than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phycial
Correct your spelling
physical
activities like sports. In
school
, it is undeniable that
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
matter, and if they
failed
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fail
show examples
to accomplish one they might bring their confidence down to the floor.
However
, I personally argue in favour of seeing
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the benefit of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
every
courses
Change to a singular noun
course
show examples
in
school
. because many people think that the
school
is a place where it
cultivated
Wrong verb form
cultivates
show examples
children
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge from different
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
such
as science, sports,
linguistic
Replace the word
linguistics
show examples
,and
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. Take mathematics,
for example
: it
help
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helps
show examples
students to calculate taxes,
Correct word choice
and purchasing
show examples
purchasing
Wrong verb form
purchase
show examples
stuff as
this
simple calculation
embbed
Correct your spelling
embed
in our life. In conclusion,
although
it is undeniable that
children
may perform well in things they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
or
Change preposition
in or
show examples
good at as
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
can boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their confidence, other
subjects
cannot be
neglects
Wrong verb form
neglected
show examples
as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provide
a basic knowledge
Remove the article
basic knowledge
a piece of basic knowledge
show examples
in order to develop into a more complex usage in the future once they
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
have grown
show examples
up.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Structure
To enhance the clarity of your argument, consider restructuring your essay to introduce each viewpoint more distinctly and then juxtapose them before giving your opinion. This can make your argument more balanced and easier for the reader to follow.
Language Use
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and topic-specific vocabulary to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will also make your essay appear more cohesive and polished.
Example Use
Consider elaborating on your examples with more detail to strengthen your arguments. Providing specific, real-world instances can significantly enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as correcting these can greatly improve the overall presentation and readability of your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and outlines the key points that will be discussed.
Balance
You provide a balanced discussion on both views before stating your own opinion, which is good practice for this essay type.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and restates your opinion, reinforcing your argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
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