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Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment
Some people argue that
schools
 are competitive and it is creating a bad impact on
children
,
whereas
 others say that the competitive surroundings provide
motive
Add an article
a motive
show examples
 for the
students
 to succeed. I believe that the competitive
environment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 creating more stress and negative impact on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss how
this
environment
 is creating stress
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
childer
Correct your spelling
child
show examples
 and followed by that it will discuss how it encourages
children
 to achieve.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
environment
 in the
schools
 are more competitive and it is creating a negative
imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
 on the
students
. Ten to twenty decades ago,
schools
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the place where all the
students
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 enhance their knowledge and make new
friends
.
Whereas
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
, school is the place where
students
 consider their
friends
 as competitors and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to acquire higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 than others. Even though
this
environment
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 them to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 high
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
, it failed to teach the
students
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to agree and live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 recent survey
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
students
 says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
children
 who are
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
 don't have any
friends
. In the race of achieving they are forgetting to satisfy their personal life.
On the other hand
, it is true that the competitive
environment
 is encouraging
children
 to achieve. It helps the
students
 to set a target for themself to achieve. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 scenario is my school teacher. To
score
 high
mark
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
show examples
 during my school days, our physics teacher often asked us to split into a group of two people.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 target of each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 in the groups is to
score
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
mark
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
show examples
 than the other one.
Additionally
, the person who got
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
score
 should provide
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 gift to the student who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 acquired
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
score
.
This
 competitive approach helped the majority of the
students
 to acquire high marks. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
students
 should not forget to learn how to
collabrate
Correct your spelling
collaborate
 and make
friends
, in the race
of achieving
Change preposition
to achieve
show examples
 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
. Rather than focusing on only the scores of the
students
,
schools
 should
also
 help them to
collabrate
Correct your spelling
collaborate
 with each other. Without any sort of
Correct your spelling
collaboration
collabration
Add a comma
collabration,
show examples
 a student can achieve in his
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 but not in his work life.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

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Sentence structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve the flow of your essay.
Paragraph structure
Consider using paragraphs to structure your essay more clearly. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea or argument.
Grammar and punctuation
Be cautious with spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Example specificity
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Balanced discussion
Ensure a balance in the discussion of both views before stating your opinion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction clarity
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear opinion in the introduction.
Effective conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and reiterates your opinion, which is good practice.
Topic focus
You've maintained a focus on the topic throughout the essay, showing good task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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