IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
An argument has arisen about the main goal of science, some people believe that it should improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's
lives
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others reject that. In
this
Linking Words
 report, I will go through the merits and demerits of
this
Linking Words
 belief, and
then
Linking Words
 allow me to share my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 many people believe that
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 should concentrate on developing their
lives
Use synonyms
 because of a variety of reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it consumes the government's money. For
further
Linking Words
 explanation, studies capture that a huge percentage of financial resources was spent to support the scientists and to provide pieces of equipment, especially
that
Correct word choice
since
show examples
 their tools are usually expensive.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is useless to study in a field that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not help humankind. An article captured that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studies that do not focus on mankind are useless because the main purpose of searching and studying is improving the ways of living.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, mankind is the most important creature
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the planet, so they should just think about fixing their issues and providing more satisfying
lives
Use synonyms
 for them.
Although
Linking Words
 the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence. The first point is that researchers concentrate on more important aspects.
For example
Linking Words
, global warming, climate change, creatures decline, and many other fields that affect the whole planet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of experts
acknowledged
Wrong verb form
acknowledge
show examples
 that they try to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
individuals'
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
, but they must concentrate on the most effective problems because these problems are affecting both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind and other species.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it is not the
science
Change noun form
science's
show examples
 responsibility, indeed, the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 is in charge of that. To explain that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments themselves acknowledge that it is their spot to take care of citizens and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to provide
a comfortable, relaxing, satisfying, and restful
Correct the article-noun agreement
comfortable, relaxing, satisfying, and restful life
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 for them. In conclusion, even though improving the population status is important, beneficial, useful, and helpful, solving the most effective issues is more strategic, necessary, and needful.
As a result
Linking Words
, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although you've presented clear arguments on both sides, including more specific examples and studies would strengthen your essay further. Try to incorporate real-world instances or more detailed scenarios to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to add sophistication and flow to your writing. Although your essay is well-organized, diverse sentence types can enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
While you've done a great job introducing and concluding your essay, ensuring a clearer stance in the introduction could provide your readers with a more directed pathway through your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively organized your essay with a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before stating your own viewpoint. This approach is commendable and supports your coherence and cohesion score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay's argument, which is crucial for both task response and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: